Yesterday, in the late afternoon, I was hanging out with Tiffany Parker, a potential interest, although I thought we had a good time, I didn’t sense much of a connection between us… Well, I was making her laugh, and she seemed really interested in me and my life. It seemed… premature, I don’t know why or what for that matter but for some reason ‘premature’ is appearing in my mind. I’ve yet to find out what it is attached to.
In either case, I was thinking about what Gamboa said earlier about, dating to look for ones future wife, and that’s been interesting, because I honestly cannot picture that. I mean I can imagine a fantasy with my being with any random girl, easily enough, but to fully imagine the good times, the bad, the idea that that fantasy could be REAL, that’s the difficult part.
I always say that I can never see myself saying “I need you” to someone, perhaps for a favor, but for a reason to live? this I cannot do, at least now. Perhaps this is some fear that I’m fighting against. Commitment is the joke that all men are afraid of. I don’t know… I just… I don’t know. I was myself when I’m with everyone, so any potential interests would see me for who I am, yet, they do not see the young boy inside. I guess my mannerisms and confidence work too well.
I think I just want someone to hold me and to kiss me. Someone who can stand with me, and face the horrors of this world, and not abandon me.
Man, I’m getting really tired… and I still have D. bio to study for. So I’ll end it here. Unless stated otherwise, I’ll always be a friend to the girls that I’m interested in. My blessing and my curse…