The Spark, The Fuel, and the Guide

I haven’t written in a couple of days, but an interesting thing happened to me, while I was at Carl’s Jr. eating breakfast. I saw a lil white girl roughly 4-5 years old, in a bright pink dress with blonde hair and blue eyes. You’re typical little white adorable girl. She was running and with an innocent smile was playing, she was loved by her parents, and she knew it.

So I finished my meal and was enjoying my coffee, and I saw Sirena and Isabella sitting across from me. I smiled at them and they looked at me with their young eyes, and Sirena asked me, “Tio Aby, are you a doctor yet?” Isa followed with, “Doctor!” I was shocked, their question penetrated all defenses and clenched my heart. “Tio Aby isn’t as smart as everyone thinks he is, Chiquita.” I replied. “Tio Aby, did you study hard?” I started to list reasons why the world is against me from studying, only to have their faces remain motionless. After seeing this, I realized there are no reasons why I cannot excel in my studies, no reason why I cannot do my best in all of the things that require effort from me. I looked at Isa, her eyes looking up to me, because she wants to be a doctor, a Cardiologist…. like me… I couldn’t face them…

Another voice enters the scene “Mijo,” It was my mother, “Mijo, don’t forget to relax. You look so tired.” Heh, I smiled at her, “I’m fine, Mom” I said. “It’s ok, Mijo, puedo pedir un favorsito?” she asked, “Sure.” I said, “Puede ser un doctor?” I was stunned once more. Her words only brought to mind all of the pain and suffering she endured without any comfort from anyone. Her traumatic and horrible life, that no one should live, especially her, the kindest woman who’d greet you with a hug more than a handshake. Her smile is strong, always have been, always will be. She only reveals her deepest, most jagged scars to those who are willing to listen. To love others is simple for her, to work hard, to give her best, has always been effortless to her, My eyes swelled up, and said with some strain in my voice, “Yes, mom, I will.” and then I buried my head in my hands

“Taras.” The voice changes from gentle and loving, to firm and somewhat playful. My father now sits before me. “Hey Grandpa” I said to him, hoping that he’ll say something comforting to me after the bombardment from the others. “So… Are you passing?” he says bluntly. ‘Damn.’ I think to myself. “Dad, I need a new car to help me out.” “OOooohhhh, a new car, huh?” he says somewhat mockingly, “Yes, a new car is good, because you’re always SO busy.” I look around and notice that I’m sitting by myself, not studying anything. “So your car can study for you?” “… No.” “Your car can take the tests for you?” “No.” “Ooh. So why do you need the car?” I list the reasons I previously had for wanting a new car, only to realize how empty those reasons really are. Sleeping? I can sleep anywhere at any time; The ‘states of mind’? I can always exercise to cleanse my mind of academic worries; The Family? other people on this path, don’t even have the luxury I have, of being able to see them, to talk to them whenever I wanted. Also like my nieces, his face remained motionless at the list I had presented to him.

So I finally found myself alone in the restaurant, and realized, there is no excuse for my apathy. Everything can be put on hold for the sake of my education, they all suffered and cried and bled and prayed for me, and I have yet to repay them! For the girls who look up to me, my little Sparks of Life, the Little Monsters that I love more than anything, Your uncle WILL be a doctor. For my mother, who always watches over me, concerned with my well-being, who revealed the horrible jagged scars of her life to me, my Fuel, I will not let you suffer in vain. For my father, always reminding me that there’s another way, and always ‘business before pleasure’ There is much I do not know in this world, but I do know that to be a Man, I must be willing to sacrifice my own life, my own time, my own family, to reach my goals. You’re always teaching me to be a better man, Guilt-tripping me into realizing my mistakes, you Guide my Flame, to make sure that I’m burning and working in the right direction. Always being the example of what it means to work hard. All three of you are the main aspects of my life. Everyone is just to help me, and remind me of who I should not be. But it is you four, that I will always hold closest to my heart. For you I will do this. I will sacrifice myself, because you are the embodiment of my morals, my values, my Passion, all of the aspects of my life I tend to forget when I want to be selfish. Thank you all, and I love you more than anything in this world.

I will not let you down.

This entry was posted in Journal.

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