I don’t have anything new to add, except for a few things.
First of all, Whenever Marlena sings that song to her daughter, my right palm, along with the tips of the 1st, 2nd and 3rd digits. I thought it was due to some consequence of exercising, but no, I’ve tested it on various times on different occasions, it’s a particular image that causes me pain. How strange,… On a side note, I’m advised to stay away from her, as close as we were, I believe that I will take said advice, Marlena… Whatever she was to me in the past, is just that: The Past. I can’t look back.
Secondly, during my absence I actually did have something of a personal journal, except this was on Paper, I will cease this, and put everything on this. There isn’t much, but it’ll be here…
“Sept. 18, 2010
This is the first journal entry… It feels kinda strange, I’ve always imagined how I would start this journal and each time it revolved around describing myself… perhaps due to a sorta identity confliction that I have seemed to develop. One the One side, I am Abraham, religious, calm, intelligent, detached, on the other I am Red, spontaneous, energetic, passionate, believes that strength lies within. These two often overlap and yet people often have a difficult time describing my personality… Other than using the word ‘Weird’ Heh heh… Later on, weeks ago, my inner conflict was resolved when, like the Sacred Heart of Christ, the two rays of light, although different were actually 2 aspects of life, of strength… Two sources of energy that help me. So now, I am both Red and Abraham both entities supplying me with what I need to be a man who is his own… Wow, this is really, REALLY weird. I’ve always been one who tries new things, but I’m really curious as to how this journal is helping me focus my thoughts and ideas… OK, so now I will list my goals in hopes that by having written them down, I will actually be motivated to do them. It’s has always been my dream to become a doctor, a Cardiologist. Ever since I was 12, I’ve always had this ambition… you know, I think it was this dream at such a young age that spawned my desire to help people, how strange that, in my case, it was the Egg that came before the Chicken… Oddly enough, deep within the recesses of my core, I don’t think I will ever achieve this title, whi thsi feeling is there, I don’t really know… But it won’t leave, perhaps it is there to inspire me to do my best, by challenging me… In either case, I’m sorta stuck with it. So, in order to achieve doctor-hood, I must perform certain tasks, that make myself a better candidate for medical school. For some reason, I find this motion disturbing, as well as, degrading but these feelings have no foundation as reason as to why I have them. To speak the truth, I think I might find all these new experiences, rather exhilirating… Oh well, Trial by Fire, I guess… OK! So now this leads me to short-term goals that I have laid out… One is, obviously, pass all of my classes with as high a mark as I can get, and if need be, re-take some of the lower ones. Two, extracurricular activities that show my interests, as well as, aspects of my character which are good qualities that an actual doctor should have. One such activity is to try and create a successful club at LSU for UNICEF, so far to no avail at that last event, everyone thought we were the Indian Club… D’oh… So now, I have to recruit new people and try to make this thing work, it’s a good cause but I fear that these people, or rather the majority of them, will only try to look for the benefits the club will give them i.e. Mission Trips. But I want this club to not betray its main purpose which I thought was to fund-raise for kids, but I’ll have to see if I can make this work for everyone… Another activity that I must perform is volunteering at hospitals, this particular chore is one that I’m actually looking forward to, here’s to high expectations — heh, well that’s really just an expression, I have no idea how this is going to work, guess I’ll just show up and see what happens. So now here I am, a dispatcher at LSU with about a week left to prepare my situation for what lies ahead… Oh yeah, there’s that Pre-Med Conference at UCD on the 9th of Oct. that hsould be really fun. Too bad Baby can’t join me… Ooh right, I should really take this opportunity to display my affections and interests… Because in my head, I’m seriously messed up about this particular subject. Hmm… Let’s see, I guess right now, Melissa Chong is the girl I want to be with… Wow, I guess by writing it down I sorta confirm any and all emotions and settle any ‘what if’s my mind and/or heart might have… OK, so I cannot be with Melissa because she lives in Peru and I’m in the US. The problem is that we both want someone physical in front of us, not a screen with a face, so, so much for that… In my boredom, I’ve created profiles on 2 Catholic dating websites… Meh, I wanted to experiment with the ordeal, so far one girl who lives about 2 hours away who’s interested in me… Strange… Heh, I really don’t know what God has planned out for me on this one… I always joke that I’ll get married if I live long enough… But I guess like most, I’m just looking for that one girl who will share my life with me as I will share her life with her, unfortunately, like most, I’m frightened by that very idea of being vulnerable… I guess I should create a foundation that’s stable for me first, before I deal in other possible life-changing activities… So for now, I’ll try not to search with my full attention, I have to focus on other things… things that I need to do… Who knows? Maybe I’ll fall in love with someone who walks the same path… Hmm… I wonder what else I should write about… Well after thinking about it for a while I uess there’s nothing else worth writing. I guess this ends my first journal entry… See you around. 9-19-10″
This took more energy than I thought, I guess I’ll write the rest later on. For now I must prepare for the arrival of my sister and Brother-in-law.
See you around…