It’s so strange to think about what lies just beyond my reach… I mean when I really think about it, I’m detached enough to rape, pillage, murder, and steal, to an inane degree.
And then turn it over, I have the potential to help so many people, I’d willingly give my life for the most worthless of people, people who, at the very last moment of their lives, would betray me and trade my life for theirs. And yet, I’d do it all over again, without hesitation.
What am I? I always find myself asking this same question. I’m starting to hate it, Dammit! Then I also welcome and love the challenge that it presents to me. An opportunity to bring to this world something no one has ever seen before. For a time, I thought that I was unique, but now a days I find that there are so many other guys and girls who can match my qualities and supersede them. Granted several people are required to cover all of my traits, but just the idea that I can be matched and beaten.
Sigh… I’m frustrated. It’s because I gave in to temptation again, And it’s this weakness that gets my blood boiling. Partly because I know I’m doing it on purpose, and partly because it’s my hormones, therefore, it can be argued that it’s not my fault. But I won’t accept the later. I have always maintained as much control over my actions as possible, and in most cases, that’s nearly 100%.
All I want is just someone to be there, physically… Saying that doesn’t provide me with much comfort, and I feel a bit disgusted with myself, because I know it’s true, as far as I know I hold no emotional gap, nor do I feel like I’m missing anything in life, other than the physical aspects of a relationship, hence why my desire is only on a physical level. Something is preventing me from doing something about this from a deeper level, I don’t know if it’s my own fear or I’m telling the truth when I say, I haven’t found any girl worthy enough of my time.
So, here I stand, with many things running rampant in my mind, from Love and Passion, to questioning my own existence and purpose. Loving every minute of it, allowing my own flame to burn and shine… And at the same time, hating it, because it take me to my weaknesses and sometimes I fail due to them.
Guess I should stop standing and start moving.