The Aftermath

Today, I find myself being calm. Yesterday, I had posted my father’s death on Facebook, and today I had gotten some replies to it, all I could respond to them was, “Thanks guys” I had posted a pic of my father as my profile photo, and when I saw the comments, I looked at said photo, and my eyes swelled. I knew deep down, I’m still quite a ways from fully accepting his passing. The photo is one of him dirty from working on the cars, but smiling and holding an Easter egg that Stephanie gave him. To my regret, this is probably the only picture I have of him by himself. Upon realizing this, I had wished I had taken more of him.

It all seems to be coming together now. The plans Nena and Vicky are making are being set into motion. I thought to myself, ‘this was rather fast.’ But now reflecting upon it, I can only imagine how hard it must be to set these plans. I mean Nena didn’t even look at Dad’s body at the Hospital. How hard is it upon us all.

Now people are getting concerned about me, Marlena texted me worried about how I am. She said we had a ‘date’. The thought of it disturbed me a little, so I said that our meeting wasn’t a date, I am needed here, and we won’t be meeting anytime soon. She claimed that it was all a joke, to which I had responded poorly to, I don’t really believe her. I think she still might be trying to get me to fall for her. To be her ‘Baby’s Daddy’ *shudder* I cannot see her as my own. Only if I force myself to, would I be able to love her and her child, in the manner that they need, but then I’d lose myself to do so. And then it’ll all go down hill from the get go. I cannot do that to her, nor to her child. It’d destroy the three of us.

I also got some well wishes from old friends and from some unexpected people, but there was no wave of concerned people. I don’t know why, but a part of me was expected a lot of people being interested in my own life, heh, what an illusion. I knew I would never be that popular.

David’s leaving tomorrow, and won’t return until Sunday. Norm’s asking me if we should still try to attempt to attend the Distant Worlds Concert in UCLA, I really don’t know, I mean, can I? Would I be able to just forget the world for a couple of hours like that? Well, we went to Castle Park a couple of days ago, so what would be stopping me from doing this? I don’t know, we’ll have to see how this pans out.

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This entry was posted in Journal.

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