Today, for whatever reason, I wondered what happened to Tila Tequila, and this almost led me to look up lesbians kissing again, but I closed it, I fought off the urge to continue looking and simply stopped there. *Exhale* I feel a bit pathetic that it’s taking me actual effort to do such things. But if I try to look at this from another light, it’s like I’m trying to be a good person every moment, so when the Devil sees this, he’s going to try to stop me from doing so, and what better way to get at me than by playing on hormones, the very substance that courses through my veins and is completely unavoidable, as I rely on it for proper growth. The Devil is a crafty Prince of Darkness, but I have to prove to myself that my soul and willpower is stronger. As I’m typing this, I have the desire to stop what I’m doing and googling keywords like “Kissing” or “Lips” “Girls” and there we go, instant lustful images.
I think over all, I should re-evaluate how my routine goes. With my father gone, it’s up to me to make sure that I do the right things, the necessary things that are asked of me. I cannot plunge myself into darkness and despair, not when there’s so much riding on me. I still hold the future and hope of so many people, heh, even some relatives have already considered me a doctor, but still, it saddens me to think that my father has passed away and I have nothing to show for it, no degree, not even attempts to try to achieve my goals. Discouraging as that may be, I know that he wouldn’t care about my progress, only that I’m able to make it, and when I do, I’m going to thank him for everything he’s done for me.
Now there’s no other option, there is only me and my goals, nothing can stand in my way. I’m going to be a doctor, by first being a nurse, and then succeed and bring honor to the family. To not let their sacrifices go in vain, to live the life I’ve always wanted, a life that’s sole purpose is to help others in any way I can.
This, I truly believe, is the purpose that was bestowed upon me, now all I have to do is see it come true.