“OneTake 5”

Today, We celebrated John’s birthday, with Olive Garden, and then, when we came back, my stomach was churning and twisting to the point that I thought some invisible bully punched me in the gut, and I sat in the bathroom for 20 minutes. Then we did the second day of a series of nine days, of praying a rosary at 6pm. I recognized this as the rituals we follow so that my father’s death can be blessed, so that we can be blessed due to his passing, and so that all of us can find peace. I must admit, this is rather interesting. I’m on my knees the whole time and my eyes are as closed for 96% of it, yet I find some peace slightly building up within me as we’re praying the Spanish prayers. I wonder if at the end of this series will I be at peace with my father’s passing, I mean truly, no hesitations when looking at a picture or anything.

Damn! I fell again! I saw yuri pictures! Right in the middle of writing this journal entry too! Sheesh! How pathetic am I? I read on that TalkJesus.com that someone tried fasting for 2 days, no Food nor Water and that helped him fight off the urges. I know that staying up late is what causes this, but I cannot seem to stop myself from that. Yeah I am tired, but some part of me doesn’t want to sleep just yet. Probably that same part that seeks out these lustful images and causes me to sin again and again. And here everything thinks that I’m… Well, wait a minute, who ever said that I am the purest guy out there? Sure some people say I’m a saint, but that was long ago. I guess the Empty Echo has finally reflected into my character and caused me to seem no longer like a saint.

Does this mean that if I continue losing this fight, it will reflect upon my very being and cause me to seem corrupted or evil? If this is true, then I cannot keep doing this! I have to sleep at the appropriate times and make sure I get plenty of rest, and make myself “Happy, Wealthy and Wise.” So I guess that’ll be it for this entry, I must pray my rosary for the evening and sleep.

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This entry was posted in Journal.

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