So I had the talk with Josue this evening. It was relieving and somewhat strange telling him how I felt, especially my hatred for the man. And in doing so, I’ve learned that he was sincere as well as establish who I really am in his eyes, more than the Smiling child, that he sees me to be. I’ve told him how often I’ve tried to earn a different light in his eyes, and I’m not sure whether or not he’s believed me, but I believed him when he said he was sorry about the actions he took to have made me feel this way, “I will do my best” is what he said, and the moment I heard him spoke those words, my Hatred was dwindling. During the talk, I can feel my Hatred blinding me, it was strange, I focused on his right eye, and I can see the rest of my vision whitening, until all that I could see was his eye.
I know that this was my Hatred trying to blind me. Trying to prevent me from settling things with Josue. But, with my morals and ethics in check, and ready to prevent me from allowing myself to be overcome by them.
I do not ever think that I know everything, but I can tell that Josue still doesn’t know the extend of my abilities, not by a long shot. Yet, I think at the end, he sees the gap between him and myself, although I don’t think he understands how wide that gap is, well he put it as a mountain.
I must admit that it felt strange to have him say that his goal is Me. That I am at the top of this mountain that he’ll try to conquer, that I am worth the fight, the effort, the blood, sweat, and tears.
Well time will tell what the future holds for my Brother.