At Dawn, We Ride…

Tomorrow is that day that we, (Norm, Greggy, and myself) take the van and head to Las Vegas for New Year’s. Everything is set and we’re ready and not to mention, excited. I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do, but I know a lot of walking is involved, and I’ll be sporting my new leather jacket that I just got today, not to mention that the entire time, I’ll be wearing my new shirts that I got for Christmas, they’re geeky, but I don’t care.

One thing I found was that those that I told I was going to Vegas for New Year’s were both shocked and happy for me. I guess in my personality I’m more reserved and I guess they wouldn’t think that I’m the kind of guy that’ll go somewhere and do something like that. Heh… I can’t say that I blame them, though, I’m not stuck-up or anything, but I am quite calm and mellow when it comes to things like this.

Another part of my day has been somewhat revolving around a particular girl named Jenny, or as I would call her Princess. She’s a rather strange girl, she’s somewhat of an intellectual woman, yet perfectly balanced with a teenage girl. Her mind is a mixture of both Pretty Pink with Barbies with the sound foundations of a mature woman. Her perspective on life is interesting, though, she sees the world in eyes that I haven’t seen in anywhere else except… my own. She and I do not have the same view, but we are similar in more ways that I can possibly admit, she has no problem confessing to me that she has feelings for me, due to the fact that she’s on the other side of the nation, so she believes that there wouldn’t be anything between us. Yet, I find myself wondering… Pondering on the scenarios of “What if’s” that involve her. Well I’m an elemental man, so if she doesn’t meet certain requirements, then a future with her will not be possible, I’ve walked out on other potentials that have failed to meet with this criteria, and it’s not even difficult, however if not met, then a relationship is not possible.

What I’m talking about when I mean ‘elemental’ is the quirks and traits a person is born with and is, unfortunately, stuck with: Scent, Laugh, Facial Structure, etc.

No matter how much you add, you cannot change how you naturally smell, if a girl doesn’t smell right to me, then I wouldn’t be with her, regardless of how attractive she is, etc. This is also tied to smokers, as I would not be with them.

A Girl’s laughter should be music to the males ears, if she has some sort of cackle, then that’s just not very appealing as my natural state is to make her laugh all of the time.

Other factors become less important than these 2, yet without these, no relationship is possible. I don’t know why I’m of said manner, but I cannot stand it, if I don’t find the scent of the girl appealing, I suppose if she finds a way to change her scent then she would’ve done it by now, but if not, then I can’t do it.

Well it appears that I’m now ranting, and I have to wake up early tomorrow… So I’ll end it here, I’ll be back to have my first post of the new year, until then, I’ll see you around.

2 Days Before New Year’s in Vegas

It’s Tuesday and it’s planned for us to go to Las Vegas on Friday Morning, therefore we have 2 days to get everything planned. Food, Clothes (like my 3 Geeky shirts that I got from Christmas along with my new pair of pants), Blankets, my Camera, and possibly some cash to have fun with, obviously my Phone and Wallet, and what else?

I always take my Swiss army knife with me, just in case of anything. I’m bringing my iPod, because it’s a 4 hour drive, and reading would get me dizzy. I have to think warm, so I have to bring a jacket as well as my sweater, possibly sweatpants to sleep in. I think I’ll bring my laptop as well, because my camera can only store so many images, and with my laptop it’ll clear it as I’m transferring them from the camera to my laptop, easy. Chargers and extra batteries I will bring as well… Unfortunately, I only have those for my camera only.

I suppose that’s about it, I shouldn’t plan on bringing too much due to the fact that I will be walking around enjoying the views and having my mind be elsewhere, not to mention that were I to bring too much, I’ll run the fear of getting it stolen/lost. So it’s best if I bring minimal things.

The van needs to be checked before we go, Tires, fluids, everything has to be set in order for this trip to go off without a hitch. Thursday is when we’ll pack the clothing and food that we’re going to bring, it’s just stuff to snack on for the journey, and to finalize everything so that we have no worries.

I must admit that I’m rather ecstatic on going, even though I don’t really show it, I’m getting anxious. This will be the first time that I have the resources to gamble with, the last time I was in a casino, I was in Casino Morongo and I didn’t have any cash on me, but this time will be different. I can only hope that I’ve recovered from my little cold in time for the celebrations, that way I won’t get dizzy from cheering so much, and be able to take in as much Las Vegas as possible, without any distractions.

Heh, now my only hope is to win something over there, but it is Vegas, I can’t expect much except to have fun.

Plans for the New Year

OK, now it’s time for me to plan what I’m going to do for the upcoming New Year. This is so that my plans are exactly layed out along with specific goals that I can strive for.

The goal is that every day of the week, excluding weekends, I will exercise. it will be broken down as follows at 1900 hours:
Monday – Spartacus Exercises
Tuesday – Spartacus Exercises
Wednesday – Run 1 mile
Thursday – Spartacus Exercises
Friday – Weight Lifting
If I’m able to sign up for some martial arts class (hopefully in the future) Then I’ll adjust this according to the timing of those classes. Now then, I will start to focus as well on eating healthier stuff, sleeping and waking up regularly. Perhaps try to implement some Parkour into this as well…

Improving Life
This goal will be to read at lot more books, as compared to my current record: None. I’ll start with 1 book a month, so by the end of the year, I would’ve read 12 books, I already have a list of 100 books to read before I die, so I’m all ready, I am just waiting to start.

Another aspect of this goal is to improve my knowledge of what’s going on in the world. I hate politics , however that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be aware of what’s going on, in various aspects of the world. So here’s the plan on what I’m going to focus on:
Monday – World politics
Wednesday – TED talks
Friday – U.S. Politics
I think roughly 30 minutes to a full hour focusing on what’s going on in the world, or (most likely) 2 topics/articles.

Academic Career
Here I will seek to improve my application towards Medical school:

  1. I will Volunteer at Kaiser Permanente
  2. I will shadow maximum 2 doctors or accumulate at minimum 48 hours before the year is out, so roughly 4 hours a week, if not more
  3. I will study for an hour everyday for the MCAT, and take the Exam in Mid-June.

I believe that these things will be the final components needed for my application to be completed and strong enough to compete with others in the great Arena of medical school.

These are the things I will focus on when the New Year comes, I will spend my time and energy trying to maintain these things as my main priority. I’m going to make up for the slack that I’ve built in my previous years, and this is how I’m going to do it. Along with finding a job and making payments on towards my loans. I believe by this time next year, I’ll be on my path towards my goals, either in Medical School, Nursing, or an alternate step forwards.

Heh, suffice to say, I’m looking forward to this new year.

Red’s Christmas 2011

Christmas this year went fantastically! Everyone loved their presents, and I was relieved to see how happy the people I gave presents to were. I was concerned that they wouldn’t like it, but each one of them was ecstatic! I, myself love the gifts that I have received, 3 funny shirts, which satisfies my recent love for; A new pair of pants, in the style that I’ve always been fond of; $45; a Black Crucifix Necklace; and a Warhammer Army Carrying Case, which goes for a Whopping $99! This was far more that what I could ask for, lol, although I think part of the reason why I got this, was so that I can be more organized and get rid of the make-shift storage containers that my army currently is in.

An additional present, focused mostly on the family, was a Case of Poker, complete with Official World Poker Tour Cards and Chips, along with our very own Poker table. Heh, As we’re setting up the folding Table, we found a strap that was tied between the two legs, which made setting it up difficult, so Vicky, who bought the gift for us, decided to cut the troublesome strap, so now that we set the table up we realized that the table folded inward. To our surprise, that cut strap was meant to prevent that thing from happening…

Whoops. But at least we made a deal to play Poker with them once a month, starting with next month.

But aside from the presents, the Meal was Tamales, Carne Tostadas, and Soda, Dawn brought home-made Empanadas, Steph and Josue brought Pies, and it was our first Christmas that did not have a meal that was similar to Thanksgiving…

And more importantly, this is the first Christmas without my father.

The Death of my father was in the beginning of September, which marked the beginning of the family-oriented months that followed, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and ultimately Christmas and New Years. These holidays were times when the family stayed close together, and spent time bonding. But now those times are gone. Now my father won’t be there to  tell me what to do, he won’t laugh at me when I mess up and act like my natural idiotical self, and he won’t be there to out-eat me during our family meals, I am certain that were he here, he would’ve eaten 8 tamales, while I only ate 3.

Alas, I’m happy with this Christmas, not only was I able to give presents to all of the family members, but everyone, not just me, was happy with their presents, but more importantly, this Christmas is a sign that we are strong enough to endure the things to come, to move past the event of my Father’s Death, and weather any storm that God has decided to bless us with, and I am saying this with sincerity, and not with sarcasm.

I will continue to live because my Father would not want me to simply mourn and cry and sit around, he never rested and always faced events as they come, and I will do the same.

Looking towards what lies ahead

It’s Friday the 23rd, and Christmas Eve is tomorrow. With this in mind, I find myself looking at what’s going to happen next year…

I know that I will start searching for means and methods to improve my own life, Exercising, Volunteering, Shadowing doctors, along with picking up new habits like reading. I’m going to watch less T.V. and video games and random internet surfing, and I’m going to try to improve my qualities as a person.

Something has happened…

Norm came in and asked if I’d be interested in going somewhere in celebration of New Year’s, now the holiday itself doesn’t really hold much value in our family, except for a special feast we prepare, but otherwise it’s just like any other day. For me, personally, I always made it my own tradition to see the first sunrise of the New Year. Initially I was inclined to say no, but  after brainstorming some details, like “Where” and “How”, I agreed. We ran the plan with Greggy, who also agreed more easily than I did. But my main concern was how was our Mother going to be watched over?

She was alright with the idea of us leaving for New Year’s as she is always asleep WAY before the actual celebration and looks forward towards the Rose Parades, while the rest of us would be asleep from exhaustion.

When presented with the idea, I realize that I had a fear of something happen to her, then I remembered that she has told me that I shouldn’t fear to venture out and have fun, once in a while. Now I have no problems going out, my main concern is who I’m leaving behind. She was one of the most important people in my life right now, and I still have retained that fear of leaving her behind, it’s almost as if I’m scared that she won’t be there when I come back. The fear itself is irrational, as she’s one of the strongest people I know, Hell, she survived the pain of her Husband’s Death!

So why did I think that she’ll instantly die of heartbreak were I to leave for a couple of days? I suppose that I didn’t want to show any indication that I might be turning into one of my brothers in her eyes, and now that I’ve said this out loud, I can reassure myself that she will never have that image in my mind simply because I’m nothing like my brothers in almost every sense. So I should have no fear of having others see me in such a light.

I have to focus on who I am, be certain in who I am. Every step that I take is a step no one else has taken, especially not my brothers. I am me, Red, No one else can make this claim! This is MY life, given to me by God! And I will see this life to the very end, bitter or not, in red-hot flames or in a gray scene with age. Either case, I will see it to the end, I’m almost reaching a quarter of a century as a Good person, and I will not stop there. I will live a good life, or die trying.

Yet, in the Range of being a Good man, there’s nothing that says, I shouldn’t venture out and have fun, so long as I’m not hurting myself or anyone else, I should pursue all opportunities, with Bravery and Optimism, not with irrational fears like what I displayed earlier that just shows I have no faith in my knowledge of others as well as their abilities. I’m a better man than that. The world can survive if I’m not there, it had before and nothing is stopping it from happening again.

Very well then, I will bear no regrets in going to Vegas, after all there are family members who can watch over my Mother incase anything happens, and they are well equipped, more than I give them credit for.

I can’t let fear stop me from living life. After all, we weren’t placed on this planet just to be ruled by our fears.

Still Alive

Something very interesting has occurred, For the first time in my life, I have gotten sick twice in the same year. I’m not exactly sure how it happened, yet my instincts tell me that it was due to stressful events that has occurred over the last few days: Unexpected plumbing problems, Arguing with selfish Brothers, and all tied in with cold mornings and even colder evenings.

Although there is something interesting about this year as well, this is the first time that I’ve been able to have the resources to actually give presents to my family and those closest to me. This is a rather big achievement for me, because, for one, the gifts are rather funny, and ironic, and two, I have never done this before, so this is something I can pat myself on the back with. They’re even wrapped up and already placed under the tree, I’m rather proud of myself.

Now then, shifting the attention to other aspects of my world, I have to talk to someone at UCR, because one of the classes I took last summer, gave me a NC for a grade, now this was for Organic Chemistry, and I know I was there the entire time, granted, I had loads of enrollment problems, but I thought I had resolved them all. I will have to talk to Dr. Jenks, who helped me throughout the entire summer, that guy was really cool. I have to get this matter resolved, otherwise, I will not get my Degree, and I’ll be damned if I let this happen! I’ve come too far!

An additional unrelated note, I just beat Portal for the Xbox 360 today, it was a rather interesting game and the ending credits song as well, which is called, “Still Alive”, hence the title of this post.

Well I best be heading off now, I’m sick and I need some rest, not to mention that I have to make that disgusting Tea again! Blech! It’s effective, but still, I do not like it.

Guess, I should learn to take it easy, as I should let myself be absorbed in the spirit of the season, that I love so much.

“This Love”

Today, I sold my car, my ’94 Ford Thunderbird, to some guys who buy junked vehicles. My father and I worked a lot on my car, due to the various problems that arose within her, I learned a great many things about vehicles, what to hear, what not to worry about, and especially, the penalties of negligence. Yet, due to my upmost best to try to maintain my car, who was named either T-Bird or Baby Girl, or lack thereof, she would break down, time and time again. Whenever she broke down a particular song started playing in my head, ‘This Love’ by Maroon 5.

This song symbolizes my love and hatred for my car. As much as I loved her, as she was my first car given to me by my brother who had crashed it, I hated her, as her breaking down caused a great many problems along with her V-8 engine eating away all of my money through gas constantly being burned by her. It even got to a point where my grades suffered somewhat due to her.


As much trouble, pain, and suffering she had caused me, without her, I wouldn’t have learned how to love to effectively learn how to work with my hands, the love and feel of an accomplishment done with my own hands. I wouldn’t have learned so many things, both mechanical as well as metaphorical. Heh, for example, I learned that if things are getting worse, I had better fix it before I miss the window of opportunity, and it turns into a full-blown disaster, for one. Not to mention that all of my fondest memories of spending time with my Father is waking up early on a Saturday or Sunday and loading up the van or Tahoe and driving to the Junkyard to satisfy the desires of my inner flame of taking things apart to get the chosen prize, which would be a part to replace one in my T-bird.

So how much was it all worth? Granted, I did get some money from it, yet, I believe that in the end, I’ve learned a lot from that car. She taught me through pain and suffering, yet through first-hand, my own hands, that I can adapt, that I can learn, that I can discover, that I can endure, that I can take a hit, that I can laugh in my darkest hours, in those moments when my hands are covered in oils, dirt, and a little blood, when I desired to be somewhere that is of great importance to me, such as school, home, or work, and yet I’d be in the middle of the three trying to find out what went wrong.

I will confess that there was only 1 occasion where I had lost my temper because of her, it was a brief moment. It was on my way to work, and the girl who I was going to take over, I had already owed her for being late several times before, and I was determined not to let it happen again, and wouldn’t you know it, a third of the way there, she dies, and I was late once more.

As are all firsts, some are merely the experience that we feel in order to become introduced into the world. Sometimes, that experience is good, sometimes it is bad, and we become who we are, choose whatever decisions, based on these initial experiences. So in the end, without this Experience, you would not have become who you are right now, at this very moment.


Today, I had cleaned up my room (which was a horrendous mess) and organized everything in my possession from my textbooks, to my personal items, that I’ve collected from my journey in this life. Letters from old friends, well girls who liked me, mostly,  yet I find my self reading some excerpts from responses to various things in various books, responses that I had put, and I find that there wasn’t much transition between my ideals from back then, to how they are now. Heh, I even had a majority of the problems I had back then, now.

However, there was a lot of things that I saw that can help me solve some problems today, when faced with temptation of any kind, I found in a Spiritual guide, to not trust myself to uphold the Oaths I have taken, but to put faith into the Lord, to save me from said temptation. Also I find that when I really put my mind to it, avoiding the T.V. and randomly surfing the internet, I can be quite the industrious one, as I was able to accomplish quite a bit of small chores that have remained undone due to apathy and laziness.

I don’t want to call this a ‘New Year’s Resolution’ because, well let’s face it, they don’t work, so what I’m going to do is have it remain unlabelled, or rather ‘Something I have to do’ with this in my mind, I will be more likely to accomplish my goals of being more balanced in life and more industrious with my time. I’m going to try picking up reading, and training once again, however, starting tomorrow, I’m going to start looking for a job frantically. I was hoping that the Tissue Tech, would pan out, but alas, that’s not what God has in store for me. Oh well, back to the drawing board, which in this case would be searching and applying to all jobs available to me.

I like this new found ability to utilize the surprizing amount of time I have, now. No more vegging infront of the T.V. This time, I’m going to start making improvements on my own life.


I am 10-07 for the final time

Tonight was my last shift as a Security Dispatcher, whenever someone is off-duty, we say that we are 10-07, to indicate ourselves as such. So since this is my last day at work, it is my Final 10-07, as I say good bye to dear friends that I’ve made there. I will not forget them, much like my friends at the Library, they mean a lot to me, despite whatever reason I have for being casual about my leaving. Yet this time, I find myself wanting to see them again, I didn’t want to leave everyone without saying good-bye so I made sure everyone knew I was leaving, because with that job, people hardly interacted with one another, because of the conditions of said job.

Well, now that I’m walking away from this job, I have to start thinking about my next move, I think I will study for the MCAT and take it in the Summer, if not sooner. I also need to find another job, because in 6 months time, I’m going to start getting letters from those who gave me loans throughout my time at LSU. Granted, there are cheats to this, one is taking a single class at any school, another is going to school again, which is something, I might consider, be it Nursing school, or Medical school. Another is faking my death, but as hilarious as that is, I’d feel bad about the people I’m leaving behind. I mean, I tell everyone I’m moving, and they get all bent out of shape, even friends like Lily and Alison, were rather unsettled and had wanted to see me one last time, before I go. Speaking of which, I need to set up something with them.

So that’s it, My next move will be to utilize my free time to it’s maximum capacity and find another job before time runs out, which is 6 months time. I need to find a job, volunteer, shadow a doctor or two, and study for the MCAT, because by then, I will have to make a decision that will determine the rest of my Life, and should I fall into apathy, then I’d be no better than those who have failed altogether. I have 24 hours each day, from now until the 6th month which is May, now it is time to make the most of all this, and to prove myself.

My flame hasn’t burned out yet, my sword is as sharp as ever and my journey in this world is not over yet!

Reflections Upon The Year 2011

It’s December, and this particular month symbolizes many things, One of them is the end of the current year. And when one faces the end of one thing, they tend to reflect upon the time spent, so here we go…

This year had many interesting things, one of the major ones was the Death of my father in September. That changed my life, rather significantly. Actually, this December, I finished my studies and have completed my Bachelor’s in Science degree, so that’s a milestone in my academic career.

This year, I have seen myself change from a Youth, who had knowledge of what were solidified morals and ethics, to a Traveler who lives in the Gray, forced into situations that constantly pushes him to his limits, wondering if each decision was the right one.

And now, just as the end of the year, signifies new changes, new challenges, new beginnings, for me, there’s much more at stake, as each step, can determine my fate in this world. Will this next step be the fatal one? Or will it be the step that allows me to finally bring honor to my Father’s Name? To allow me to earn the title, that is my name?

Sigh… So many questions have filled my mind, I remember a time when I didn’t have so many concerns, I was content with the world, and I was certain everything was going to be alright. Now, I cannot seem to have that anymore. I realize that I have to lose my “last-minute decision-making” skills and implement a “Plan ahead” which is something I never was really good at.

Needless to say, with the end of one year, starts a whole new chapter, with many different things I will have never faced before.

Looks like this is going to be interesting…