Why, why why? Why do you do it?

I’ve been reading up on some articles and all of them were about focusing on aspects of the individual, which in this case was, motivation.

Be it motivation for exercise or the drive towards a high goal, all of these paths, ask one thing, “Why are you doing this?” and during the time I was reading them, I find myself unable to answer the question. I have no reason to keep fighting, I need something solid, something that strikes a deep emotional chord within my very being. My father’s death, apparently wasn’t enough, it leads to despair and apathy, because it comes with sadness, also because my father never looking into those things, he already knew what had to be done, or was already on the path towards finding out.

But me, I’m different, I have no set path before me, my world is dark and I can’t see anything beyond the next 3 weeks, when I’m done with school, then I’ll be tossed into the abyss, and if I’m not prepared, then I’ll be consumed. But before I can even prepare, I need to find out WHY I’m doing this, what goal that’s set within me that will inspire me to do endure the long and harsh journey. A Phrase, maybe? or some Ideal? But I know so many, I cannot possibly focus on one. I used to strive to become a Knight like in the movie “Kingdom of Heaven” yet… Wait, why should I stop? Why did I stop? Maybe I don’t have to…

Be without Fear in the face of your enemies,
Be Brave and Upright, so that God may love thee,
Speak the Truth, always, even if it leads to your Death,
Safe-guard the Helpless and do no wrong, that is your Oath
And this is so that you will not forget it.”

This is the Oath that Knights take when they’re knighted, and they strive to fulfill this each and everyday. I need to rid myself of hesitations and must strive to be a Good Man. Do what a Good Man does, Follow in the Good Man’s footsteps, Take the Righteous actions, rather than selfish. Ask myself, “Am I Good Man?” each and everyday. Because I know that a Good man takes care of those around him as well as himself.

My Father was a Good Man, and I will be too!

This entry was posted in Journal.

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