“Will You answer the Call?”

These were the last words in the final page of The Art of Manliness Manvotionals: Timeless Wisdom and Advice on Living The 7 Manly Virtues. I love this book, I can see myself referencing to it in the future very often.

However, this also marks my first book read from beginning to the end, so now I will try to find another book, and then 10 more for the following months, until I’ve made my goal of reading 12 books for the year. I guess by then, I can figure out a particular pace for myself, and perhaps alter that number (hopefully increasing it) so that I can read more books and become a more well-rounded individual. But what should I read next?

Well, this book has allowed me much to reflect upon, how I should act, in public, in private, how I should think, reason, and the values that I should try to uphold throughout my life. There’s also a contest that requires one to read an excerpt from the book, and the prizes are pretty cool, $50 Amazon gift card, a special Journal worth $125 and a leather hand bag worth $500. Sounds interesting, I feel like participating. Perhaps I should let someone in to help me.

Well, I have to punish myself for looking up girls kissing again… Sigh… I don’t know why I did it. I have to tough out these urges I guess, when feeling their approach, I should walk away or something of the like. I have to do better… if not, then how will I be when a different urge comes along, what then? Will I be it’s slave or it’s King?

There are 7 Manly virtues that I must uphold: Manliness, Courage, Industry, Resolution, Reliance, Discipline, and Honor. I have to try to hold fast to each of these, and find a way to blend these with the 7 Cardinal Virtues: Chastity, Temperance, Charity, Diligence, Patience, Kindness, and Humility.

For the most part, they can overlap nicely, but that doesn’t mean that I’m upholding them, that just means that I’m failing twice.

I will do better…

I have to…

Opera of Nox noctis

I’m getting really interested in this 8tracks website. I’ve created 2 mixes and one of them is themed after a dark opera music, like Dancing Mad, a Little Piece of Heaven, and the like. It’s kind of interesting, creating themed music lists. One has the ability to be as random and broad as possible but still remain true to the theme.

Other than that, I’m almost done with the Garage, all that’s left are just parts and pieces that I have no idea whether or not they’ll still useful. Norm needs to look over that, but he’s taking his time in doing so. I email Dr. Greer because he wanted to ‘chew the fat’ with me a while ago, but I’ve been so swamped with all these things that I’ve forgotten.

In terms of moving, Mom has decided on Corona as her final destination. I don’t mind, the house is great, my thoughts are focused on medical school, however, Where I should apply, and this is in terms of where in the Nation I should apply to. Texas A&M is the cheapest medical school in state, Loma Linda is the sister school of LSU, and I don’t know where else exactly I should apply, I’ll have to take some suggestions from various sources.

I’m going to resume my studying for the MCAT tomorrow, I’ve used this weekend to relax and take a break from it, but I need to resume. I need to study hard.

A windy day

Today, was a normal day, however we prayed a rosary, Mom, John, Greggy and myself, and at the end, Mom wanted us to pray directly to the Rosa Majestica statue, and from the moment I closed my eyes, I started begging for forgiveness. For all that I’ve done, my thoughts, my words, and my actions. I’ve just prayed for forgiveness. I couldn’t think of anything else to pray for, all I wanted was to be forgiven.

Now, my thoughts are wondering as to why this was. Was there some evil I did that was so great to have my thoughts begging for forgiveness? I can’t think of anything, yet my whole heart was yearning for it, the power of forgiveness… what a strange power to have over someone… Well the Lady of the Rose obviously has powers of forgiveness over some lost soul like myself. Yet I shouldn’t be surprized to yearn for forgiveness, I have a lot of sins to pay for and I’m constantly praying for the chance to enter medical school.

I have to try harder, ‘God helps those who help themselves.’ I can’t quit now.

And so it begins…

A couple of days ago, my mom asked me to take off the lid of the Mary of the Roses, or the Rosa Mystica, and once that lid came off, something over came me. It was a feeling of childish fear, not that the fear was irrational, but that it made me feel like a child, and I was over come with not just fear, but awe and reverence as well… I found myself sitting with just my eyes fixated at her, just staring, the feeling was indescribable, we cleaned her with cotton ball and once we were done, we marked the Sign of the Cross on our foreheads with that same cotton ball. We put the lid on and placed her back to her original position.

Today was interesting, I was saying good morning to my mom and she looked at me with such excitement and she had told me something that I didn’t think was possible. She has no problems breathing. I saw as her once wheezing lungs would reverberate throughout her body, and following this was her coughing up phlegm, but today, she inhaled clean air with no problems whatsoever. It’s shocking all I could muster was, ‘Wow.’ It was shocking! She even sung a little to show how clear her airways were.

Later on today, I had begun my grueling and epic journey into the MCAT test. I read the first 64 pages of the book Baby had let me borrow so long ago. I’m now informed as to what to expect when I walk in there, now that that’s out of the way, I can start reviewing and studying the information that’s needed to be known on the exam. I must say, this is going to be interesting, I’ve got 6 months, and I’m going to have to make it all count.

Another interesting note, today Baby asked me to spend the night with her, and Mom didn’t approve so I had to decline, but I was confused as to the randomness of her request. I can see no problems, despite she’s a girl and I’m a boy, I know that she’d make us sleep in separate rooms or that I’d be some distance away from her, so as to ensure that nothing happens between two youths like ourselves. But I did agree to have dinner with her tomorrow and stay as late as she’d like. Heh, I’m certain that were I to have lived on my own, I wouldn’t hesitate to spend the night, but seeing as to how I’m still under my Mom’s roof, I must abide by her rules.

So now to end this entry, I’m off to exercise and try to overcome the difficult routine that Norm has prepared, and run afterwards. See you around…

“If we’ve come this far, that only means that we can go further”

Quite a few things has happened recently…

3 days ago, I was praying the Rosary, and upon the dedication part of it, I was asking God, my Father, and everyone else who was listening to my prayers to help me. To help me know I’m on the right path, to help me achieve my goals of becoming a Doctor, a man who lives a life of servitude, and ultimately, Study and perform stellar on the MCAT. As I was talking to God, He let my mind wander and my thoughts ran across many images but ultimately finishing with a single phrase:

“If you have come this far, and achieved this much, then that’s evidence that you can go further and achieve more…”

I wrote down this phrase and now it stands next to my 2 Fortune Cookie fortunes. Now it’ll serve as a reminder that, despite my achievements, I’m not finished yet, there’s still more to be done…

That night, I had a dream, I was learning to fly with the Wings on my back something like an angel or birdman, yet I was being taught with 2 other guys, and we were all tied together by our legs. We were standing on an enlarged Pomegranate branch, in the front yard, and I was the 2nd one in line, the first guy jumped and flew off, I held my ground as the roped tugged, but he remained afloat. I somehow was hanging off on the side of the branch yet I pushed off anyways and took flight, I felt the wind flow through me as my wings caught the breeze and I soared over the street. I caught onto a wall and jumped off from there floating as my leg was being pulled by the 3rd person who was still on the branch. He looked scared, he was younger than me, but he refused to jump and fly, I couldn’t go any further because the 3 of us were tied together, yet I still flew. Suddenly, I was in the Garage at the very end, listening to ‘Si No Te Hubieras Ido’ by Mana, when suddenly I heard a voice singing the song behind me, I turned and saw my Father. I’ve never dreamed about him before, but just as soon as I saw him, however he turned and walked away, but when I saw him, I ran to him proclaiming, “I can fly! Dad, I can fly!” Then I woke up…

I told my mother about it and she told me that this is a symbolization that I’m on the right path. The 1st guy who flew before me was my guardian angel, Joan, who was protecting me and watching out for me, the 3rd individual was my temptation, those urges that cause me to take the easy path and give up, instant Pleasure, rather than earning Joy. I must keep my wits about me and be careful with what I do otherwise I’ll find myself giving in to that.

About my father, she told me to listen to the song and find out what the message is about. The song itself is about not being able to live without someone, how life become gray and dreary without that special person. I loved my father, and yet, I have always felt that if I wasn’t strong enough to live without him, then I’ve failed him. His death was sudden, but I loved him and remain strong because that’s what I’ve always thought he’d want me to be…

Well last Saturday was Josue’s Birthday, and he visited on Sunday, but it was just Greggy and myself, so we couldn’t do much for entertainment, not to mention that we were caught off-guard again due to his lack of calling us ahead of time, yet we still cut the cake we bought him and made hamburgers in honor of his day of Birth, so it wasn’t much of a celebration, yet Norm said that we’ll try to do something due to the fact that he was at work at the time.

Well tomorrow, I’m going to turn in my Resume, to the Community hospital that Nena used to work at. Hopefully they’ll have a position opened for me to work, but I’m willing to take a volunteering and/or shadowing experience, if nothing else. Well I’ve traded enough sleep for this journal entry, not to mention that I didn’t read tonight, well didn’t read a lot, but I did read a nice excerpt from a letter that Abraham Lincoln wrote to his son’s friend who didn’t get into Harvard. One particular part of it really stuck out to me:

“In your Temporary failure there is no evidence that you may not yet be a better scholar, and a more successful man in the great struggle of life, than many others who have entered college more easily.”

I can only hope that these words can apply to myself as well. I’ve always admired Lincoln, he was a fellow Abraham, and he has taught me a great many things… Like my father did.

The Winds of Change are blowing…

Today, I’ve come across a lot of things that will cause change in my life.

For one, I’m getting better, so no longer will I be hindered by a head cold nor have all of my energy reduced to 50% (which is how I usually feel whenever I get sick), and an added plus, no more of that tea that I greatly dislike!

From this, I will be well enough to start looking for jobs and applying for other things to do, like volunteering and shadowing. Nena told me that she’ll email her friend in the Moval county hospital, so I can head over there to turn in my resume, and if nothing else, leave with a volunteering time.

Afterwards, I can start studying for the MCAT, which I plan on taking in June, July, or August at the latest. I’ve marked some of the times that they’ll start scheduling the testing dates, and all that’s missing is the money to pay for it, but once purchased, which can be as late as 2 months before, I will start studying and trying not to screw myself over.

Earlier, I was talking with Dave over the phone and he said that the girls and him will be coming over for Spring Break and will head to Las Vegas, I’m looking forward to it, as I’ll be more prepared for all of the action that is to await me in that place!

Back to the main focus here, I’m changing my original plans:

  • Rather than read The Republic by Plato, I will be finishing my Manvotionals book, that I’ve yet to finish, and following this will be the bible, at least some of it.
  • Rather than join a Dojo, I will be performing my own training session with Norm, that is if he’s up for it, if not, then it’s on my own! Trying to improve on surpassing my own limits in both strength and endurance.
  • I’ve just started setting things into motion that will help me become a more well-rounded person.

So with all of this, times should start becoming rather interesting as the Winds of Change start to blow through this Life. I can hardly wait.

Ahhh, I have to give Lily and Baby their presents! I must see their expression when I give it to them!

Consequences for Idiocy

Two days ago, I realized that the paystub I got in the mail wasn’t my official last paycheck, it was the paystub for my actual last paycheck which I received in December, before I went to Las Vegas. So I’m as poor as I was when I came back, a measly $13 to my name. With this, my dreams of attending a Dojo at the start of this year remains unfulfilled. Heh, what a fool I am. To think that I had another paycheck coming at me, when I knew the previous one was my last.

And now, punishment for my idiocy, I was recovering from a sickness before I left for Vegas, and yet, during New Year’s Day I couldn’t shout for I had lost my voice. And then upon our return, Greggy got sick and infected the rest of us, now I am currently going through a head-cold, no coughing or clearing of the throat, everything with this illness lies within my head. I’m so congested that I can barely breathe through my nostrils, and my thoughts are slow and I cannot think straight, along with this, my nose likes to drip or leak at random times, which is greatly inconvenient.

Suffice to say, this sucks. But alas, it’s only temporary, as all things in life, I should try to see this as inspiration to train on my own, or rather with Norm, since I cannot go to a dojo, so I won’t feel like Kenichi anytime soon… Oh well. I have to make do with what I have before me. I just have to take care of myself and I’ll be alright, soon, I’ll be working again, and have my Degree, which, I will hang on my wall… I’m kind of looking forward to it, well, I should, because it’s the milestone that I’ve been fighting for for quite some time, I don’t know why apathy comes when I’m thinking about my future… Almost as if, I don’t want to succeed, or pursue my goal of becoming a doctor. But why else would I be alive? I know I am meant for something in this world, I just have to keep moving forward, keep progressing, start doing all of the things I have to do, like volunteer and study for the MCAT.

I bet living in the city would make my Degree more useful, as I could be of some help to scientists, but there are none around, Riverside is the closest and that’s not saying much. I have to try to keep looking for a job, but I’m afraid I must lower my standards on what kind of job I should look for, because I’m going to need this money to help pay for everything. Oh well, I have to go, my head cold is causing me to not think properly…

I’ll see you around.