The Forgotten

Nikola Tesla, inventor MANY things, including AC power and the Death ray, was overlooked by Edison and his invention of the light bulb, and his fraction of inventions that paled in comparison to Tesla’s. Upon reading more about the man, I’ve made it my goal to one day build my own Tesla Coil… If possible. It’s sad to see how often we over look someone who seemingly does SO much,  for someone else who has done so little. I wonder why that is…

The men and women behind the curtains, fighting the battles that the world will never see, saving it from dangers it never knew it had faced… This always makes a good story, like in the video game Tales of Vesperia, where you play an outlaw who leads a party to make the toughest decisions that saves countless lives, and through circumstance, your best friend, who’s a soldier, winds up taking the credit, despite his knowledge of your actions and sacrifice.

I remember being little, I’ve often told people that I would be one of those forgotten warriors, that I would never be the man people applauded and cheered, but I would be the man behind him, doing everything he could not do; in essence. succeeding where he would fail, reaching peaks that he would never attempt, facing opponents that he would never defeat. And I relished in that idea. I suppose I still do, because in my mind, I don’t want to become a doctor for the prestige, glory, and income that comes with it, I want to become a doctor because I want to help save lives and despite the fact that there are other ways to do this, I believe that this is the only route for me, personally, to take. To be the individual, worthy enough to hold someone’s life, literally and metaphorically in my hands.

I honestly think I can become this man. My only limitations are often the things outside my control, like my car breaking down several times, Mother becoming sick, and other such related events. But as a Catholic man, I am confident that everything happens for a reason, God has a plan to place me exactly where I need to be when I need to be there, I just need to make the effort into getting there. Yet, with my limitations comes knowledge, and wisdom to help me in the future. For example, thanks to my car breaking down, I can change anything on a car from it’s oil to it’s transmission module, which makes repairing my own car easier. Each event that seems to have pulled me back or hindered me in some fashion has helped me obtain experience that I would otherwise not have obtained. And it’s not just practical skills, they’ve also helped me learned patience, humility, to laugh at my own helplessness (which is truly a difficult thing to learn), to dust myself off after a defeat, determination, the values of kindness and compassion, and so on.

I know one question I will be asked is, “What makes you think you’re the One worthy of this?” And for such a long time, I have struggled with the answer, at least a proper response that is satisfactory for it to be my answer. I can’t simply say, “I just know I am.” that won’t do, that’ll just lead me to failure. So how can I properly explain this feeling inside? Not to mention that I must very clear in my answer, otherwise, I’ll end up tripping over my words and I will show signs of uncertainty…

I know that the answer lies within me. Somewhere within… Underneath the scars and the dreams, lie the answer to why I believe that I am the man who can hold life and death in his hands. I did a quick glance at a survey done by Kaplan that said that 49% of medical school applicants are in it for the money, that ‘wanting to make a difference’ and ‘the desire to help others’ are just plain, empty words. Will my words be just as empty? Will I fail to rise to the occasion and meet these penetrating questions without my courage, passion and strength? I should already have all the motivation I need in order to fashion a proper response, so why am I hesitating? What am I missing? Death? Life? Love? What more could it take to rid me of these doubts?!

… I suppose I’m not the only one with doubts, especially in this line of work. I have to do some internal searching and find the truth behind my motives, as deep and personal as they are, if they are asked of me, I will, no I must speak the truth. I’ve begun typing a list of everything that can possibly be my reasons for doing this, I will be sure to keep looking over it and reminding myself of the reasons why I’m in this. I know all of the reasons are within me, but knowing me, I know that I’ll only remember a few at a time and even less than that under strenuous circumstances.

I have all the strength I need to fight this fight, however I cannot allow myself to forget why I’m fighting.

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