I Must Surpass Myself

I was chatting with several friends of mine, one being my lil sister, who reminded me of our arrangement. I must be able to carry her, sideways like I’m going to lay her down, for a brief moment. And when I’m able to do this, I will receive a reward, which oddly enough is our Anniversary gift for 6 years of close friendship. Because truth be told, She’s not related to me by blood but by bond.

That being said, I’ve decided it was time for me to take on the PowerHowse Challenge, I bought from Chad Howse, who’s been more than kind to answer my questions and lack of exercising from the time I purchased the program. But I must admit it is tough. Heh, that’s an understatement, When I’m working out, I finish a set and as I’m preparing myself to do the final set, I’m saying to myself “I don’t want to do this! I don’t want to do this!” But I force myself to keep going and push as hard as I can. Because whenever I’m exhausted or feel like giving up, a voice comes to me mocking me as well as encouraging me by saying random things…

“That’s it?” “You’re going to give up now?” “Bruce Lee always says push beyond your limits. Have you reached your Limit, yet?” “So are you giving up because you’re tired or because you want to give up?”

That last one always gets my blood boiling! Albeit, it’s most likely my own voice, it’s strange enough to bear that older, “looking down at me”, sense, encouraging me by mocking me, Tough love for simplistic purposes.

And I think this works best for me, because it challenges me. I’m not a confrontational person, in the least, however when I imagine the future or look ahead, or even Meditate, I see a white silhouette, I cannot make out much of it, but I can see it’s a man with a trench coat of some sort, he’s standing before me and for whatever reason the wind is always blowing and causing his coat to appear waving to one side, like in an anime. Kinda like this for lack of a better picture:

I can never see his face, yet I know they he’s always looking at me, I know he’s smiling at me, I can never tell whether it’s a kind or cruel smile. Yet I find myself using this individual as a comparison, as a par to which I must surpass, an opponent I must defeat. I get the feeling that he has what I want, he’s reached a goal I’m striving to obtain. And him looking back at me, signifies that he’s looking down on me, like he’s better than me, yet I don’t know how or why I feel this way. He stand before me yet we might as well be worlds apart. I can never reach him.

I don’t know who this man is, and since this came up under my self-examinations and usually when I’m exercising, it leaves me with a hint that this might be me in the future. So, why the animosity?… Heh, I can ponder over this for hours on end, and wind up with no answer… It’s kinda fun,  actually…

Whoever this is, be it myself or someone else, I have set myself his opponent, not his enemy per say, but someone who will try to beat him and surpass his skills and achievements. I do not have a name for him, yet… I wonder though, why is he always smiling at me?

Well, I’ll end this here, as it’s late and I must pray my Rosary before I sleep.


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