I find that it’s interesting trying to change ones habits. Change. A strange thing that be as small as going left instead of right or something as Grand as going Left instead of Right. Heh heh, what I mean is that some changes are many yet so small that one doesn’t notice it, until someone points it out to them, and then all of a sudden, one is left wondering, “When did all this happened?!” and others are so gargantuan, one feels as if the entire world has shifted.
Well, I’m currently pushing myself to wake up normally at 7am, based on this article from the beloved Art of Manliness website. and it states that you cannot wake up 3 hours earlier just off the bat, one must make small changes in order to get accustomed to the change, and then little by little it’ll feel as if nothing has changed at all. In the middle of this, I find myself trying to stay awake more so than just waking up, because if I don’t make myself do something, I’m going to fall back asleep. So to prevent my stumbling self to crawling back to bed, I’m going to implement several things, and hopefully some combination of them will cause me to stay awake for the rest of the day.
In the meantime, Massive changes are approaching, I have a Minorities Ceremony this Saturday, where I will be honored due to my Hispanic brethren not being the majority of the race that is at LSU, afterwards, I’ll see if I can make it to Mandy’s birthday party, however with only $20 in my savings, I’m afraid I’m going to disappoint her. Then, I’m going to need to pay for the MCAT test, officially securing it in June when I will take it. Hopefully before then, I will have finished my Personal Statement for the AACOMAS and completed my application for Medical School, which will require more money… Soon after the MCAT, I will no longer need to study (for now that is,) for 3 hours every weekday, and then I’ll need to start looking for a job, and I have no doubt that it will be something meaningless and/or completely separate from my Biology major, which is somewhat degrading, because then I’ll be paying off the loans I got just to get that degree, only to have it do nothing for me. Sigh… but it must be done… And that’s the truth. After all, no one ever said that just because I have a degree, life will be easier, heh heh…
Change… such a fickle, yet unbiased force. The Winds of Change are often blowing during these times, foreshadowing Adaptations as well as Endurance, Trials as well as Triumphs, Strength as well as Toughness, even Endings as well as Beginnings.
And we’re all subject to this Wind, some even connect by the changes of others, Marcus Aurelius thought that we are all connected by one form of Energy, us, the world, and everything in between, all of us connected. In various forms, as well, when someone cries, another laughs, when someone feels alone, another feels at home, when someone hates, another loves.
I saw several poor and homeless people today, and close to my own home as well. And upon looking at them, I felt such an urge to reach out and help them, but I didn’t. Not that I didn’t want to, but the fact of the matter is, I couldn’t. I have nothing to offer them, save some words, I can’t even give them any time, because I have no time to give. My time is not my own. I’m tied to other priorities, other promises and oaths that must be fulfilled, and this has kept me from going out of my way to help these people.
It’s a frustrating feeling, not being able to help those in need, to see suffering and not be able to comfort them, to know that you are probably the only person in the crowd that cares about their well-being, only to turn your back on them, it breaks your heart. Each time I do, I feel pain and emptiness, I feel as if I’ve become one of the apathetic masses who shuns them like one does a stray dog. I strongly believe in the UNICEF charity organization and I had contributed to it before, but due to lack of funds, I was no longer able. I had tried to support a child who lived across the world, but I had to stop because again, my resources were limited.
But, I will not forget them…
For I will have my own time eventually. I will have the resources to help these people, and not only these people around me, but people all over the world. The Broken, the Beaten and the Damned, will forever be in my heart and in my prayers. I will save them. Not for prestige or for recognition, but for the fact that I been spared from Death various times, so then I will use this Life that was given to me to help those in need. I will earn this Life. Even if it’s only in the Eyes of God.