Defeated

Today’s the day! I got my MCAT scores! Now let’s see what 6 shaky months of studying has done for me! The score is…
13 Q!

…. What?…. A 13? A Q is great, with T being the highest, getting a Q isn’t that bad. But a 13?! That’s it?!! That can’t be it! That’s… impossible! I’ve been studying for this thing for 3 hours for 6 months! How can this be?! I-I don’t understand…

I’ve been… Defeated… by the MCAT.

Searching for some sort of vent, I texted my Hermanita as well as posted “Defeated…” on my Facebook. within 5 minutes, David Felix posted some encouraging words, followed by Esmeralda, then from texts from my Hermanita, all saying that defeat isn’t something I should be saying, nor should be wallowing in my self-pity and defeat. But rather, I should try again, try harder, pick myself up and dust myself off. I’m not allowed to talk ‘Loser talk’ and to ‘turn my negative thoughts upside down’, that ‘just because I fell off the bike, I can always get back up and ride it’.

And to speak the truth, I was shocked because upon reading it, I found myself laughing! I mean, David practically insulted me, and it’s encouraging me. Esmeralda also put some kind words and they helped, I honestly didn’t expect such concern from her, I mean we were friends in high school, but we weren’t close friends, either case, I’m grateful all around. Diana kept encouraging me, and her words are similar to those that would’ve been used by some NF-ers so they sounded with more than just simply her voice.

And now, I have to pick myself back up. I have to start again. Whatever happened, happened because it was meant to happen, because it was not time for me to accomplish this yet. I’ve written a quote from Abraham Lincoln, that is now reflecting my current situation.

“In your temporary failure, there is no evidence that you may not yet be a better scholar, and a more sucessful man in the great struggle of Life then many others who have entered college more easily”
– Abraham Lincoln

This quote was in a letter in response to his son’s friend who didn’t get into a prestigious college with his son. And now I feel that this quote is reflecting my current predicament.

It’s going to be… interesting, having this on my conscious, while I take it day-by-day. But now I have to try to see what I can learn from this… entire experience… heh, other than the pain of defeat and failure.

Well, my confidence and determination have taken a severe blow with this recent turn of events, but thanks to the words of encouragement from close friends, I’ll pick myself up and keep trying!

I will do this!

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