“But Dad, this isn’t working, they just can not get along!” I say to my father, a summation of a recent spat between two of my brothers, my Father replies, “Well, they’re just going to have to get along.” I re-iterate “Dad, you’re not listening, they can’t get along.” “Well, they’re going to have to.” was is only response.
It’s obvious that I loved my Father and admire him just as any good son would, however, I’m not blind to the fact that he is not without his flaws. One major flaw he had, was that he seemed not to know how to confront his children, as a father should. Which helps me realize that importance of father figures.
My Father’s father died when he was only 10 years old, so I never got a chance to meet him. However for my Father, this was obviously a devastating loss, because he lost a great important resource, he lost what he was going to see as the way a man should act. Often times, I would ask my father how he knew some random thing, and he’d always reply that someone had taught him, and oftentimes that someone would be a woman, like his sister or his mother, I never heard him say that his father taught him something. Dying when he was at such a young age, my Father grew up not obtaining knowledge on how to handle certain situations, situations that a father should know how to handle.
When I was far too young to assist my Father in many things, he played with me in most usual manners, yet he never got a fully playful spirit when it came to playing with children, it turned awkward with him, he didn’t know what to do when faced with me somewhere in between ‘teenager’ and ‘kid’. And then again, when I was older, certain situations that required a solidified paternal intervention was not met, by my Father, his actions were reserved, if not confused, as to what he should do.
Now that he has past, I can fully see the importance of father figures in one’s life. Someone who’s willing to bring a force to balance the gentleness of one’s mother figures. Someone who can bring the essence of destruction and construction, physical strength as well as control, someone who can provide security and protection as well as guidance and instruction.
To me, my Father was a good father figure, not perfect, but he allowed me to see what I should do, what I shouldn’t do, and what morals are important to him, which when translated to my own morals, can be modified to what I deem fit for my own life.
So now it is up to me, to keep going on this life, trying to be what I think it means to be a man, a friend, a brother, a son, and hopefully, a father. I’m going to miss my own old man– heh, what am I saying? I do miss him — but I’m going to live life using everything he taught me, from how to tie my shoes, to how to fix cars, to how to carry myself and how I should act.
It’s always good to have father figures, they help us by providing examples on how we should shape our ideals on what a Father, and eventually, a Man should be. To not have one can cause a rather nasty imbalance on one’s mentality, and skewed ideals on how the Male populace should act. Although I’ve had my Father for a vast part of my life, I’m going to miss him on the other parts, but I’ll always have his teachings and my fond memories of him, I was lucky enough to learn not to have regrets by being open to everyone, and I was able to be completely open with him, even with changes and bumps on my path, he still supported me, but not after calling me an idiot.
Heh, roughly a week before his passing, I was being bothered by a strange desire to ask him if he was proud of me, and then when he died, I was overcame with the grief that I didn’t take that chance to ask him, and now that simple question haunts me, filled with regret and sadness. Now I will try to seek every opportunity to make sure I don’t face that regret again.
My Father taught me many things, and among all of them, I learned that one important thing that I must do…
Roll up my sleeves and Go to work!