I’m not a Man of Time

Time… The one aspect of life that’s always eluded me… The 4th dimension… The grand River…

I don’t know what’s with me, but I’ve never had a firm grasp on the concept, I never know what day it is, if I’m indoors, I wouldn’t know what hour it was, and I’m constantly baffled when I learn that I’ve lost days, with no recollection of what happened.

I’m truly a Man outside of Time.

It’s kinda funny in a way, I can stand there without a sense of hurry or be immediately rushed when I’ve got eons to finish a task. I suppose I’m merely on my own pace in life, and I’ve got to accept and utilize that.

Recently, I’ve received two separate objections to my going to Ross University, the fact that they were separate, and from people who’s opinions I cared about, told me that I should really consider the idea, and that maybe it’s not time yet.

I’ve been hesitant about my Personal Statement, it doesn’t feel right, and I haven’t submitted my AMCAS application yet, and to this moment, I still have no idea why, but one possibility is that, somewhere within me, there’s an indication that is saying that “it’s not time yet.”

I can work on increasing my grades in certain classes, I know this, but I was scared that if I started to this, my efforts towards medical school would be somehow wasted… Heh, writing it out like this, I can see that it doesn’t really make any sense. But it was making me anxious, add to that, the fact that my loans are now asking for their money back next Wednesday, and me without a job, trying to take care of my family and the house, let’s say, it’s enough to make a guy unsettled.

But there are always ways to fix this problem, the obvious, “get a job” but there’s also “Go back to school” and with school, I can still get a job (student job, anyways) and I can still work on my studies, improving my grades and maybe, just maybe find that piece that’s missing from my Personal Statement.

Man, it’s 2:37 am and it doesn’t even feel past 10 pm to me. I have to be careful, without Time, it’s possible that I can lose other structures in my mind, or maybe I’m just being paranoid. I’m beginning to notice that my thoughts are becoming random now, I should probably go to sleep.



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