“In Order To Fulfill Your Life”

“That which is full can never be filled… and in LIFE in order to feel fulfilled one must first empty oneself of all selfish wants and needs in order to feel accomplished…”

This was spoken to me by my sister, she was voicing her concerns about my thinking about going to the Caribbean med school, I told her some fears that I had as time progress, how I was feeling scared that my efforts would eventually be for naught, but she told me that so long as I keep going, even repeating classes, or volunteering more, I’m still making progress, Maliha came to mind, as she’s older than me but is still trying to get into medical school, herself.

It’s a rather strange sentiment, but my sister is right when she tells me that life can be humbling at times, because I know I’m thinking from the perspective of, “OK, I’ve graduated and got my Bachelor’s so I’m going to medical school now!” when the actually process isn’t as certain, nor as straightforward. I think they’re not aware of that, despite my attempts at explaining it to them, but oh well…

So now I’m going to try to get into UCR, and since classes don’t start until mid-Sept, it looks like I’m going to have to make a few payments on the grand loan that I’ve been so concerned about, sigh… I hate spending money that isn’t mine. I need to try to remember that each step of my journey, however regretful, painful, or draining is a step closer, after all, going back to school can help my application and further my goals in the future, and wishful thinking is nothing more than a waste of time, I need to be assertive and take action!

Heh, I need to empty whatever thoughts and expections I already have in mind in order to truly fulfill my goals, that way I can be complete at the end, with all of the experiences that it entails. It’s a rather strange sentiment, I need to humble myself and let go of what I thought was going to happen, and really accept Life as it comes, I guess I was too busy worrying about things that aren’t in my control that I had forgotten what I could do. In the end, when one really puts the effort into it, one can do many great things, I can have 3 Bachelor’s with hundreds of Minors before I even apply to med school. So now, I need to focus my efforts on, not necessarily starting over, but on keeping focus on the idea that I need to have an insatiable desire to keep learning, to keep moving, a state of unsettled, a constant thirst for knowledge. After all, I really do like learning about new things, and I like to apply my knowledge to everything around me, heh despite the jeering from some of my other brothers, but I’ve always accepted the role of the guy with the scientific info, mostly because I want to see how I can simplify it for others. A strange accomplishment I feel each time I take something complex and simplify it for someone, just for the sake of it, most of the time, I doubt if they’ll ever remember my explanation but I always smile when I’m able do this.

So I guess I need to start making some calls in the morning for some appointments to get registered at UCR, this ought to be interesting.

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