Hitting the Ground, Running

Oh man, these last few days have been hectic!

1. On Saturday, I’ve learned that a good friend died, his service is on Friday, He was the head usher, who asked me to be one, I was completely shocked upon hearing it.
2. My Bro-in-law got a job that’s put him 5 minutes driving from the new house.
3. The process of us getting a new house, has been progressing faster than we all originally planned, so I’m going to have to start packing more rapidly.
4. With everyone moving around, I’ll be doing most of the work myself along with JP, an entire house of 5 and only 2 people packing, me being one of them.
5. All this, along with acting as the Parent for the girls, and taking care of anything else miscellaneous that can occur in the family
6. And finally, trying to apply to school and stay in shape by keeping with up with my workouts.

Needless to say, these next couple of days will be nothing short of interesting!

The Nameless

I’m feeling very uncertain about my personal statement, to the point that I’m almost confident that it doesn’t accurately say what I want it to say.

And to this point, it’s bugging the hell out of me!

It’s even gotten so far as to cause me to question my own identity and purpose. Great.

So now I’m trying to re-discover my identity, what I was so certain to have, I’ve now lost.

Hmm. So what is mastery of self? Knowing oneself? Learning of the self?

I know my physical limitations, how far I can push before I know I’m in fear of endangering myself, what physical labor I’m capable of, as well as knowing that exercise is crucial to my overall happiness.

I’m aware of my mental and emotional limits as well, I know what makes me laugh, cry, smile, get angry, feel depressed, and I know how strong my mind is up to a breaking point, thankfully, a point I haven’t gotten to yet, but I know my mind, how I learn and think, and feel.

I even know the things that don’t settle well with me, My name, my face, and my lack of opportunities. But these are things outside my control, besides, I’m certain that other people would have similar if not the same problems

So, I need to discover my sense of self… again. It’s a sense of balance between oneself and the world, out the universe for that matter, the one outside and the one within.

So now, I’m going to have to try different means and ways to achieve this, not exactly sure how, but I’m certain that I can find various ways to at least get started, mediating and exercise help clear the mind, so maybe if I try hard enough, I can reach a state of focus through exhaustion, or maybe a point of peace within a storm.

Heh, this is going to take a lot of work, so I better get started with the run I have to do today.

How to Calm Down

The last couple of days, I’ve been on the brink of losing my temper, and yet, there was something that caused me to experience the same things that had originally caused me to be irritated, but I wasn’t bothered in the least. I was, in fact, laughing at this, while it happened on multiple occasions, one right after the other.

So, I started thinking, ‘What is this great factor that causes me to be completely at ease with the world?’ and then it hit me, each time I was completely unaffected by anything was when I was completely exhausted, or rather, right after some arduous activity, be it manual labor or exercising. If I’m sweating or panting, if my heart is beating at a higher rate than normal, if I’ve done anything physical, I’m immediately at ease with the world.

Of Course! How could I’ve been so stupid!?

The Endorphins that are released after the physical activity is why I’m so at ease! I can tackle any and all irritations if I get my blood pumping just a little. Maybe I should do some push-ups or shadow punches after I’ve woken up, to help me get moving through the day, and to make my own self less of a jerk to others.

I need to learn to let Life, itself, go as a thing that is not of my control. I don’t know why I’ve been trying to get a grasp of it, that’s not usually my M.O. I’ve been known to adapt and be rather flexible with my life and activities, perhaps it’s the Life changes that are happening, I’m moving to a new home for the first time, I’m still not in medical school, I’m actually going to get a Minor in Spanish, and now my sister and her family are coming to live with us, hmmm… on here it’s quite daunting, now that I see it. But in reality, this is something that’s been inevitable, so it really bears no weight on me, or rather, it shouldn’t.

In either case, I’m beginning to lose my train of thought, so I should wrap this up. So, I need to move my body before I accidentally wind up moving my mouth, and getting into trouble, and kick myself afterwards.