When You’re Angry

Despite my journey and age, I still consider myself an young man, “just a kid” if you will, with many experiences still lying in wait for me in the years to come, and with this in mind, I’ve come across more than several occasions where I’m forced to face the consequences of my actions, or lack thereof. In these situations, I immediately reflect on what wrongs I have done, and how often I’ve done them, triggers associated with it, and so on. And it was due to a recent event, that I’ve come to a realization that when people are angry, they’re revealing the fact that they’ve had their vulnerable sides exposed to me. And that vulnerability is more truthful toward what sort of character that you truly possess. All of your walls, the bridges you’ve burned, and the people you’ve interacted with, all of those things are displayed before me with your sharp voice, your piercing gaze, even within the insults you’re using to hurt me.

You’re showing me that you’re vulnerable, and you don’t want to be, or rather, you don’t want to remember the pain you’ve tried to forget, from however long ago.

Granted, I don’t want to have to make you angry to see who you really are, but this is more of a silver lining to this scenario.

It’s strange to think about, when one is angry, they are in a state to use their strength and their fury, but also they reveal their most scarred and sorrowful experiences, all at once, showing you their pain and everything tied to it.

As time passes, we learn to control our anger, either modify it so that you’re only angry to a point, or to change the actual trigger itself, or some other variation on that, but the point is that in one form or another when we are at our lowest/highest/breaking point, we show in however brief a moment, who we are to the world, to the people, and especially to yourself

Safe on the sidelines

Yesterday, I was driving and for a reason still unknown, I choose to stay behind an unusually slow car. Other cars behind me choose to pass both of us up, particularly a black truck, which now switched to be in front of both the slow blue car and myself; the three of us stopped at a red light, going to make a left turn. The light turned green for us to go, the black truck begins to move forward and suddenly… CRASH!

In what seemed like a blink of an eye, a white truck runs the stop light and crashes into the black truck, slamming into it so hard, it pushed the black truck into the middle of the intersection.

The cars began moving turning to continue upon their original destinations… I immediately scanned the drivers… But I didn’t stop.

I kept on going, I didn’t make a single effort to get out of my vehicle to help them… ‘I called 911, at least.’ I tell myself as I kept going, but the truth is, as shaken up as I was at the thought that, it could’ve been me, I was more shocked at the fact that I didn’t make an effort to help them or check on them, or something!

It was even asked of me, “Did You go out and help them?” But I said, “No.” And provided some ridiculous excuse as to why I did not help someone who was in of dire need.

What happened to me? What have I become? I used to be the one who moved immediately into the aid of others, and now I’ve become a frightful child, scared to get my hands dirty. I feel like punching myself for it…

I read from AoM.com about the wolves, sheep and sheepdogs, we metaphorically manifest into, in our lives, and I’ve done nothing but manifest into a coward.

Even at this moment I’m asking myself why I didn’t go out there, and I’ve got no answer. Why I didn’t try to help someone, why I didn’t try something! I merely stayed on the side where it was safe and called 911.

As I was traveling back, I had to go see the aftermath, and I was relieved to see the the road was blocked off and that there were paramedics doing their job, to see that someone was helping them, rather than watching it and simply moving on, like I did.

If I’m truly going to help people, I better grow some backbone beforehand.