It happened like a spark, a metaphorical slap to my face, another thing that has always been right in front of me and yet, I’ve somehow, yet again, managed to not see it until now. The Manly Switch that was in the OFF position, that desire to move forward with my life and yet unable to shake that ‘stuck’ feeling. It’s all because of one thing: Challenge.
My Mental health was completely ill, and that’s because I have nothing to think about. And then it happened.
Earlier tonight, my mom was feeling ill and my sister and I went to check on her, and her mind ran rapidly, she knew exactly what to do and how to do it. I stood there like a child at the experience and knowledge of my sister, and she doesn’t have a formal education, didn’t spend hours reading textbooks until her eyes bled, and didn’t put herself into debt just for that.
I thought to myself, “What have I been doing with myself?” Knowledge that would bring people to envy is right at my fingertips, and I could become an expert at the entire human anatomy, if I but just reached out and grabbed one of my books that’s literally within arm’s reach of me. I’ve been working my body, trying to become stronger, and yet, I’ve neglected my mind, everything I’ve worked towards, for the last couple of years is slipping from my grasp and when I try to put myself back into it, I’m going to stare at the information and look like a complete fool!
It’s really because I want to be someone that I’m not currently. I wanted to be a reader, so I started reading, and I’m really enjoying it, but now I want to be that kind of person who would throw seemingly unnecessary information at a simple question, I want to apply knowledge that I’ve learned into real life situations, what I’ve defined as true intellect. Seeing my sister do what I’ve wanted to do with my knowledge has opened my eyes to the fact that in order to be that kind of person, I need to remember what I’ve lost and to always strive to excel at what I should know.
So now, I’m going to start studying my books again. I’m going to return to my nerdy passions of learning and knowing things that the people around me would scratch their heads at. I will learn and re-learn and integrate it into my mind the human anatomy, until I can’t speak without throwing some random science fact in nearly every sentence! Not so that I can show off my knowledge, but so that I can challenge myself mentally and get rid of the feeling that I’m wasting my time, which I really was doing, mentally, at least.
My drive to learn will know no bounds!