The Freedom of Choice

“At any given moment in time, you have a choice. You can either choose one thing or the other.” My sister spoke this to me, we were talking about my progress on feeling Remorse, and it came to light that I’ve constantly felt disconnected with the rest of the world. People know how I am, yet they didn’t really know who I am. Friends and family, will know that I’m loyal, offer good advice, and so on, yet they wouldn’t know much about me, my likes, my dislikes, and so on.

And the reason for this, is because I had allowed myself to be surrounded by people who needed my help, and I didn’t need theirs, so there was an imbalance to the point where it’s difficult for me to talk about myself towards others. Very rarely had I the chance to express myself, and now this is causing me to be numb to even my own accomplishments.

So when I heard these words, it stuck with me. ‘Choice. I’ve chosen. I have a choice. I’ve made a choice.’ my mind is weird. It followed with a clip from the Matrix Revolutions.

‘Because I choose to. It doesn’t matter what the choices were in the past. Now there’s a new choice: To keep going or not. To keep fighting or not. To stay or to go.’

In each of the quotes that decorate my mirror, there’s a central theme that resonates beneath them. And that is, Choice.

There’s a choice in every thing. To accept it or not. To define it, or have it define you. To quit or get fired. It’s opened my eyes, ‘What sort of poor decisions have I been making in the past?’ 

And that’s been my mantra for the last couple of days. It’s interesting how something, anything in this life, can be broken down to two choices, and what’s even more curious, is the fact that there will be situations where there won’t be a clear decision, “The lesser of two evils” or “to pick between two good choices” I honestly can’t wait for those to come to my plate, but I must learn not to look for trouble, because when God decides that it’s time for me to face such a situation, I’ll face it.

And yet, To have this echo in my mind, ‘You have a choice.’ It’s filled me with such inspiration, such desire, I almost feel at peace. There’s a small part of me that feels restless because I haven’t become a doctor yet. Despite having my plans solidified, I’m still anxious to see it come to fruition, and I’m ready to put my all into it this time.

I feel like I just reach the summit of a mountain, and I’m able to see every road around me, every possibility is available to me. I should’ve felt like this graduating college, or high school even!

But the choices of my past have made me stray quite a bit from my goals, and now I have to carve a new path to get to where I want to be, which means that I’ll have to work twice as hard to get there. But that idea seems to put a smile on my face. I can’t wait to put myself to the test.

I’m starting to like this freedom I’ve discovered. I chose to like this freedom that I’ve chosen to accept. Ha ha ha… This is going to be fun…

“I am not restricted to just here…”

A couple of days ago, I had a thought that I can’t believe that I’ve never had before:

“In terms of growing and seeing where I must go, I am not restricted to the state that I currently live in.”

When I think about applying to medical school, when I think about where I’m going to live in the future, I never get a clear image of me here. As a matter of fact, I’ve no idea where I’d like to go. So I started listing a few things I’d like to have, so as to help me make some sort of checklist for when I’m planning on finding a place to live in.

  • The seasons – I love the Wind, the Rain, Thunder and Lightening, Cold spells, and I’d like to experience Snow as well. I like to have clear skies and a clear view of the Stars and the Moon. Anywhere I can feel some, if not all of these things would be most ideal for me.
  • A Long Drive – Some of the best thinking I do, is when I’m on the road by myself. Music, with the windows down and I’m golden.
  • Food – When I’m left on my own, I tend to find Mom & Pop restaurants more appealing than Fast Food. There’s a certain uniqueness to having an actual chef in the kitchen, putting effort into the meal placed before you. Also, I’d like to see as many diverse cuisines as possible, because… well because I love all sorts of food.
  • Environment – Along with the seasons, I love nature, Trees, Mountains, Rivers Lakes, and Oceans. I love going out and enjoying the roughness of the boulders, the whisper of trees, the sounds of water in all of its forms. It’s soothing to the soul.
  • People – Life is full of billions of people, and although I can handle them in bits and pieces sometimes, I’d much rather not be a hermit and not have anyone to speak to, quite honestly, I’d go insane. “No man is an island” is the phrase I’d use for this reason.

And that’s all I have so far. In terms of rural, country, surburban or an urban setting, I’m not sure if I have a preference. But I know that these 5 things are what I’m constantly considering when I’m picturing a future out there somewhere, and that’s why when I’m going to leave, I’ll be looking for a place where these things will be in abundance.