Wow, it has been quite some time since I’ve picked up this ‘Journal’. I do apologize. Actually for several reasons. It’s actually interesting, my time away has been… let’s say… interesting.
- First and foremost: I will no longer aim to become a Medical Doctor. Heh, it’s funny how life has these little interesting tricks and turns for us, especially when we least expect it. God set my sights on something I’ve honestly never thought I’d do. So in order to continue on this new path, I have to come to terms that this old path will no longer be my main goal. I have to let go of attempting to become a doctor… at least for now. This has to be it’s own point, because it has to be validated that this path that I thought my entire life was preparing me for, is no longer the path for me. And the reason for that is because…
- I am going to be an Orthoprosthetist! I am going to dedicate my life becoming someone who helps people become whole. A Prosthetist is someone who manufactures prosthetics for those who have limb loss to some degree, either it’s been acquired through some trauma in their life or it’s congenital. But either case, I’m going to be the one who sees these people and help them stand on their own feet, metal or otherwise. I will smile as they extend their reach with both arms of flesh and metal alike. I will calculate and strain my efforts to make sure that whatever device I give them will be to their benefit and to not harm or limit them in any way. An Orthotist is someone who helps fit devices to people who are damaged to the point that they require either some assistance or resistance to help their recovery. I met with the dean of the program and he liked my interview so much that he let me get accepted into the program.
- Oh… this first quarter… was amazing! It was frustrating and fun! My limits were pushed and my hair was almost pulled out in angst. I smiled covered in shavings of plastic and plaster, my hands have been burned on copper, and aluminum, and resin. My nights were spent working (because I’m still working as a Phlebotomist), while trying to squeeze in as much studying as possible for projects and exams, which was one of the main reasons that I had placed this Journal as well as several other things (exercising, social life, etc.) on the backburner. I had a blast, my class is one of the smallest classes in the history of the program (it’s a very recent program at this University), so we all got familiar with each other rather quickly. I like them, my other classmates.
- Just as quickly and spontaneously I got into the program, I’m just as quickly and spontaneously NOT continuing! This hit me like a brick wall. When I had applied for financial aid, I set all of my applications as a graduate student. Unfortunately, this particular program isn’t considered graduate until the last year, the reason for that is because they accept student who do not have a Bachelor’s degree as well as those who do. So I realize this about a week before the quarter is ending. Great. So now I have a balance that I need to pay off before I can continue. There’s no way for me to generate ~$8000 in a manner of days (legally, that is). That’s it. I can’t continue. Done. My academic career is on pause until this debt has been paid off. I’ll admit it, this hit me Hard. I thought I had done something wrong, my initial thoughts and prayers were along the lines of: “Please don’t take this away from me.” “Is this all I’m given?” and “Why take this away if it’s my path/destiny/future?” And so on.
- I felt defeated for the first time in a LONG time. I had answers, but no solutions. I knew what I had to do and I felt powerless as the inevitable approached. It’s like seeing a punch coming right at you, and you have no way of dodging it. So all I could do is just take it. Bam. Right in the center of my face, and there’s not a damn thing I could’ve done to avoid it. Down I go, the next hit being the impact of my body hitting the unforgiving ground. Thud. And I lie there for what seems like forever, body shaken to its core, time has become nonexistent, and my mind is wondering what just happened…
- And then a hand reaches out… It pulls me up… It’s familiar grip is causing me to rise from this defeat… And I’m feeling uplifted… and then I get slapped in the face?!… Wait, what was that for?! It was my ever loving sister, she reminds me that this isn’t the end, that I took a chance from the very beginning and that quite simply I extended my reach far beyond my grasp. The odds were being stacked like mountains before me, and that the very fact that I even got in should’ve been a sign that I must proceed with caution. I let myself get too comfortable and ergo, let things slide when I should’ve followed up. I chose to forget things when I should’ve set reminders. But there’s one thing that finished this package: It’s not the end. I had answers and some of those answers were: I can come back, and I can pick up where I left off, My progress isn’t in vain. And that as soon as I can pay off this debt, I can continue! I will continue!
So that’s it. WHEW! Seeing it on here, it almost looks like a series of random events, but that’s how it went for me. I haven’t had much time for much else. My time and focus has been towards my studies, but now that I might not go to school at the moment, I can start diverting my attention and energy towards other things, for example restarting habits I had let go like exercising and writing in this journal. Also, I’ve been meaning to pick up new habits like reading and budgeting. Perhaps this time I’ll have a better go at everything that’s coming my way. For now, I’m just… heh, enjoying the present, because that’s really all I can do.
heh, Merry Christmas!
Oh and, thank you catsthatpost for liking one of my entries. it brought to my attention how long it has been since I’ve last written in here. Thank you for reminding me.