I was nervous today. Anxious, my breathing was quickened. My mind raced, unfocused on the task at hand. ‘Is it going to happen? How long will it take? Will it come in time?’
I was in the middle of a supermarket picking up groceries.
‘What will happen next?’ Was the biggest question racing on my mind, my appearance was calm save for my muttering to myself, trying everything to calm my mind. I tried to work out my thoughts, usually out loud was the best method, but nothing was working. Then, I came to a conclusion:
‘What happens next is just to keep moving forward.’
In this Chess game called Life, the only move the Pawn can make is simply Forward. I can’t go back for obvious Time-traveling problems, I can’t stay still, otherwise I’ll lose progress and wind up stuck where I’m at all my life, filled with Regret.
I can only go forward, headlong into the path that I’m on, I have to see how this Life will end. I’ve already come too far, I’ve already done so much, my family has sacrificed much for me to get where I’m at, right now… Even Life itself. No, There’s no choice in the matter now, it’s no longer about me, but about Everyone! It’s not just me standing here, but the hopes, the dreams, the smiles, the tears of everyone who’s ever believed in me, is riding on this as much as I am!
Heh, I know I’m starting to sound like a cartoon show cliche, but the funny part is that it’s true. I am the one who stands on this path, alone. My heart is not moved by material wealth, but by the well-being of others. I simply like helping people! There’s almost no more reasoning behind that, save for one:
It’s what I’ve been put on this planet for.
When I was young, I’ve come across several situations in which I was not expected to survive, and at the age of 14, I made a vow, to earn this life that had been spared from Death so many times. I vowed to live an honorable life, one that can help as many people as possible, and to this day, I still honor that vow. It’s been integrated into who I am now, I sometimes feel like I’m out of time here, like I should’ve been born in Medieval Europe or in Ancient times in Japan. For me, being a good man mattered more than advancing myself, seeing someone smile was worth more than my homework, and feeling clean mind, body and soul was more important than being accepted among the social groups.
Time after time, I would come across a situation in which no one would do anything, people stood by, while another suffered, and I wound up the only one moving, the only one doing anything about it. And now when I think about why I would act, I often come to the conclusion: Because no one else will.
Something is better than nothing, and people often select to do nothing, while I would choose to do something, despite the consequences that come.
Miss some questions on a test because all of last night, a friend was having a crisis and needed advice? Fine by me.
Standing in a corner by myself drinking water while everyone else gets drunk? Ok I can do that.
Giving an opportunity to someone who needed it more than me? Go right ahead, I’ll be smiling when you succeed.
“I cannot deny who I am.” That’s what I said to the medical school representative, who’d advance himself instead of doing the right thing. The path he takes will wind up being empty, because he only thinks of himself, and those closest to him. My path will not be that, I will move forward in the way I believe is right, refusing to help another in a profession who’s job is to help others is just plain hypocritical and wrong. If he truly represented that school’s ideals, then I fear the worst.
Bah, he doesn’t deserve any place in my mind, except on a list of “People I’m going to prove wrong” It’s not a long list, but with each step, I defy their expectations.
Whether or not, the world agrees with me, it matters not, I’m going to keep moving forward, despite everything that stands against me, even myself.