“Red: Slowing to a Crawl”

Day 16: Imagine that someone has decided to write a book about your life, just up to this point. What would the cover blurb say? Be honest here. Is it kind of boring? Are you happy with it? Now imagine what you’d like that blurb to say at the end of your life. What changes need to made for that to happen?

Heh, if someone were to look at my life up to this point, I think this would be the title that they would put. My life was exciting and running smoothly years ago, I had so many interesting activities going on, but then I graduated and was thrust into the wide world, where things don’t run so smoothly. I’m 26 with no job, and no idea what’s coming around the corner. I once was a boy who would dive headfirst into anything interesting, and now I’m just taking it slowly one day at a time. Heh, I’m not really happy with it, so I need to find some changes. so that at the end of my life it would be titled:

Red: a Good Man and a Good Doctor

So in order to do that, I need to make myself some rather severe changes. For one, getting into med school, and for the other, getting out of this mental/emotional/life rut I’ve found myself in. I also need to meet my standards of what I think a Good man should be, and that’ll take some time and effort as well. I need to make myself move forward, rather than just stay stagnant within safe borders. This is the ONE big change that I need to make: Actual effort towards moving forward in my life! So far I’m making small efforts, some Job applications here and there, reading the Bible (chapter by chapter), exercising, and the occasional hanging out with friends. But I’m missing something that will actually PUSH my life in a positive direction. So far, I’ve just been keeping my head up above the waters. I need to move forward.

Three Days Forward, Two Days Back

Alright, so I’ve been a bit ill lately, so now I’ve gotta catch up on my AoM challenge!

Day 13: Perform a mind dump of everything you’re worried about. From the leaky dishwasher to your family member’s poor health — get it all out. Dwight D. Eisenhower did it, and it significantly helped him manage his stress. Just as your body needs to…cleanse itself of waste, so does your mind every once in a while. Getting all your stressors on paper may alleviate some of that pressure. Use David Allen’s GTD trigger list to help you out.

OK Worries! They are: Loans, Finding a Job, being rejected from Med school, going back to regular school, finding ways to pay for it, that “presence” coming back, making a permanent mistake with Marlena, making a permanent mistake with ANY girl, utterly failing at Life, dividing my family, losing the girls, giving into temptation, wasting my time and money on useless things, wasting my family’s time and money on useless things.

Day 14: Write a review of some form of entertainment you recently took in. Whether book or movie or TV show or Broadway play, write out what you liked and didn’t like about it. Was the acting/writing good? Could you follow the story? Is there anything you can take from it about life, or was it purely entertainment? This is often one of the most enjoyable entries to write, as it’s especially fun (and quite nostalgic) to go back and read these in the future. I can imagine that 10 years from now I will thoroughly appreciate my thoughts from this week on Roy Baumeister’sIs There Anything Good About Men?.

Ninja Warrior has returned! I’m so glad that it has! Nothing motivates me more to exercise than seeing someone put their body to the test! Although all of the contestants hardly ever make it to the finish, it’s inspiring seeing them try! And every time you see one of them fall, they always say the same thing, “I’m going to do better next time.” These athletes who’s levels I don’t think I’ll ever reach, fall and rise again and again. I always say to myself, ‘One day I’ll do that too’ And I still have that in the back of my mind, to become the grand Ninja master and achieve Total Victory!

Day 15: Come up with your own Cabinet of Invisible Counselors. There are innumerable great men from history who we can learn from today. When thinking about your life or pondering some question or problem, yes, go to actual mentors and friends, but also take in the advice of men of yore. Write out who you would have on your list and what you admire about them. Having trouble coming up with a list? The comments in the post should offer plenty of ideas.

Hmm… I suppose my Cabinet would consist of:

  • Jesus – The Son of God, what better moral teacher than that?
  • Goku – A man who trained for the sake of improving himself, not for bettering others
  • Bahamut – Another Motivator, King of Dragons with an ancient Wisdom
  • My Father – My par for what I think it takes to be a Good Man
  • Sun Tzu – Master Strategist of Life and War
  • Theodore Roosevelt – Took a bullet and didn’t leave until his speech was finished, another Good Man
  • Giuseppe Moscati – Italian Doctor and patron Saint of the Catholic church, my par for being a Good Doctor
  • Albert Einstein – A slow learner who changed the world
  • Robert Frost – To remind me to take the Road less traveled
  • My Mother – To remind me to be kind to others
  • My Sister – To remind me that nothing is impossible
  • Aristotle – Philosophy is where I treasure this guy
  • Marcus Aurelius – Roman Emperor who believed that we are all connected by one singular energy
  • My Brother-in-law – Another strong man who fills the room with laughter, he bears traits that I admire
  • Balian of Ibelin – “What man is a man who does not try to make the world better?”

“What have you done?”

From time to time, before I go to sleep, I find myself in front of a mirror, and almost instinctively I ask myself, “What have you done?” I ask not looking for an answer, and I’m almost certain that I’m uncertain that the person I’m asking is myself.

But why isn’t it me who will answer? Why isn’t my answer good enough? What’s stopping me from being the one who finally put this question to rest once and for all?

And I’m starting to think I can!

I spoke to my sister on the phone, and I was explaining to her that one fear I have is during the interview I won’t remember how far I’ve come, or what I’ve been through all these years, or even what I’m certain that I know will be vital assets for my being able to be a good doctor.

It’s all there in the back of my mind, I’m certain of it. And I know these are things that doctors will be looking for, expecting, and are hoping the students pick up during medical school, the fact that I have them now, is an advantage, I know it!

I just have to remember what I’ve done, where I’ve been, what I’ve seen, felt, experienced! I have to remember that People don’t know these things, and that they must be said in order to prove that I will be worthy of Being a doctor!

I’m getting myself riled up. I guess this is what my sister was expecting when I told her my MCAT score, she was expecting me to be ecstatic, but I was only thinking of more things that I need to do, but now that I’m thinking about this, I’m getting excited!

Now I’m going to face the Schools themselves! I need to start as soon as possible now. Guess, tomorrow will bring about some interesting results… Hopefully.