I had another “discussion” with my brother JP, and like the times before, it resulted in my words and explanations falling on deaf ears. And I’m not one to walk around with Expectations, I’m completely aware of the “Self-Fulfilling Prophecy” theory I learned in Psychology, so I try not to have particular reservations about anyone I come across, regardless of previous history, and with JP, believe me, there’s a lot of history.
And whenever he’d try to converse with me, throwing out random things at random moments, almost with the sense that he’s striving to be smarter than me, or something like that, he’d always quote sources without ever considering the other side. So when I’d bring that up, how incomplete his information is, I’m met with hostility and frustration, and just earlier this afternoon, he just flat out told me, “I don’t understand you, I feel like I’m visiting another planet and I just can’t understand it.” To which I calmly replied, “OK, well, have you tried listening?” And there it was. That look that I’ve seen so many times before.
A mashing of frustration and confusion. He heard me, but did not understand me, and even in his hearing of me, he only heard keywords that cloud his mind and his argument, while completely missing my entire statement. So his next argument is completely off on a tangent, while my point is lost and my words are focused on and attacked.
It’s not really his fault, partly. He’s aware of his condition, yet he refuses assistance. He tries to sound normal, yet he overshoots and treats others as beneath him. He cannot stand taking advice, suggestions, or even corrections because he believes he’s never wrong. He claims that one should forget the past yet he constantly repeats it.
And you know what? I’m done. I’m done with all of it.
I’ve tried treating him like a normal person all this time, and all it does is just frustrate me, because in my mind, I’m thinking, ‘a normal person wouldn’t respond is such a way, so why is he acting like this?’ But the truth of the matter is that he isn’t normal. And I cannot see him in that way otherwise it’ll lead to more frustrations, so what I’m going to do is simply give my mind a new perspective:
You know better.
Every time I try to explain things to him, he doesn’t understand, no matter how clear I am, and I know for certain that I’m pretty good at simplifying things for other people. So what do you do with someone who either refuses or is incapable of understanding? You smile and let it go.
One could argue, that I’m leaving him in his ignorance, but I swore that I will not be the one who burns this bridge! And I mean that to this moment! What I mean is that I know that he won’t understand my argument, he simply cannot see it or understand what I’m trying to explain to him, and his default reaction is Hostile, so why add fuel to the fire? I still haven’t figured out exactly how I will do this, because it’s at random moments that he tries to bring up these “intellectual” conversations, and I’m always down for one, yet in order for the conversation to work, both sides have to be rational as well as actually, open to critique or suggestions.
But that’s the point: I know this, and he either can’t or doesn’t want to.
And I just know that this will not be the last time I run into someone like that… Heh heh…
In either case, I remember reading how it’s Honorable to be criticized by those who have no right to, to be looked down upon by those who are lowly, and to not receive credit when it’s due; and all of these things are based on the idea that one knows better. You know what’s really important and these things aren’t important enough to focus upon. Being correct isn’t important enough to provoke my frustrations. Being heard isn’t important enough to keep a pointless conversation going. Proving my intelligence isn’t important enough to cause dissension among the family for the words used.
And so, like the doctor that I will be, I’m obligated to let the patient be should they desire it. I shouldn’t be prideful about anything of mine, especially against the arrogant, because Pride is not necessary for my survival, pride will not bring me closer to being a better man, or being a doctor, or towards God; all I get for my pride is just disappointment and frustrations, so why have one?
I know what I know, and in order to keep the peace, I need to know better. Because, in my opinion, being intelligent isn’t about knowing the facts and information, but applying them to make life better for others, even those who try our patience. I love collecting quotes about anything and everything, famous sayings that I’ve often given to others in their times of need. It also helps me in thinking about life in other perspectives, as well as allowing me to know what to do during my own times of need. It helped me become a moral and ethical pillar that people come to, making me someone people depend on, so I’m always happy about that.
Heh, I can only imagine how much I’m going to desperately need this experience, when I come across the patients who yell, curse, spit at me, and refuse my help, and although I’ll be obligated to watch over them until they calm down, I’ll be forced my oaths to stand by and let him go about in their rants and let them have their tantrums,
And all the while, I’ll be smiling, because…
I will know better.