My Curiosities

I’ve noticed as of late that my mind tends to “settle” and I can actually function without thoughts or ponderings or even the slightest of fantasies (clean ones, mind you) pass through my attention. I drive and my mind is blank. I’m working on the task at hand and I’m not thinking about planets or viruses or philosophy. My day can start and end without flying off hundreds of miles away in some other realm.

I don’t like that.

A couple of days ago I was proud of myself for talking someone through a miscommunication at work. I was unbiased, open, and clear in my position. So when I felt proud of what I did, it was genuine and not boastful. I’m glad that I have that trait that can sit and talk with people and work things out. This is something about myself that I hope I never lose, God willing.

So when I noticed that my mind didn’t wander and ponder like it used to, I actually missed that. I like thinking about random things and having my curiosity tug at the corner of my free time and lead me down a path I didn’t intend to go.

So, after hearing a podcast from aom about how de Vinci let his mind and curiosity take the wheel while he wrote notes on everything, I felt inspired.

So I am making an effort to keep my mind sharp and not let it get drained on video games and Facebook. I’m going to use this journal to not only house my reflections but also my thoughts and ponderings as I face them in the world.

Lately, I’ve been having an itch for robotics and how to implement that into a human, or rather on a living creature. A sort of start for my future research when I get my Master’s. I think I’ll start by looking into what was already done before and find out how exactly they did what they did.

I have to try to find the joy in it. Usually when I endeavor on something like this purely out of curiosity it never really gets fulfilled, case in point: this journal that got tossed to the wayside. But I don’t want to lose that part of myself that likes to learn new things. And school is going to start soon, so I need to keep my mind fresh for the new info.

I guess I’ll start a new section on this book. Hmmm, I wonder what I should call it. Notes? Nah. Research? No, I don’t think so. Ehh, I’ll figure it out later. Right now I’m cooking dinner and I can’t let this burn.

Heh, real time journaling.

Well at the current moment I suppose I will simply just use ‘My Curiosities’ because that’s kinda what it is. I’m curious about something and I want to know what it is, is about, or what about it that fascinates me. Like that song from Moana that the crab sings, “Shiny” I find that I particularly like the transition when his song (and the crab himself) got darker. I like songs that have that sort of “shift” I wonder what it’s officially called.

Hmmm, I better have some kind of filing or way to separate and organize my curiosities otherwise it’ll look like a jumbled mess.

In either case, I’m kinda excited about this. I want to learn new things and I kinda want to waste time on things that no one bothered to think about. This should be fun!

My To-Do List

This is what I have to take care of, both internally and externally. Some of these things will be easy and only require a small amount of my time and energy, but others will take a lot more. Some of these will be serious, others practically pointless, Doing this, It’ll also help me remember anything else I don’t have at the front of my mind. So in no particular order…

  • Talk to Occupational Health about that shot I need in order to Volunteer
  • Look up Guitar lessons at the College
  • Catch up on Bible reading
  • Read Marvel’s Civil War and the rest of the Comics I just recently obtained
  • Exercise
  • Write in my personal journal
  • Read my Biophysics book
  • Read my Anatomy books
  • Practice Guitar
  • Plan Chicago Trip and prepare
  • Practice Spanish (either by myself or with others)
  • Clean and Vacuum my room
  • Buy the materials to build my Whiteboard closet door
  • Complete application for Ambassador position for work
  • Save money for the car
  • Make time for Meditations
  • Learn more about Cosplay
  • Get a Doctor and get a physical

Well at this point, I’m seeing a lot of reading/learning/relearning. Stuff that just requires me to sit down and focus my attention for a brief moment on that one thing, while others require scheduling and repetition. And as the old adage goes, “If we don’t ever take time, how can we ever have time?”

So all I have to do is just “take the time”, and I bet this list would be cut in half before the week is out. For the rest of the items on this list, I’m just going to have to make a schedule for them.

A Challenge for the Mind

It happened like a spark, a metaphorical slap to my face, another thing that has always been right in front of me and yet, I’ve somehow, yet again, managed to not see it until now. The Manly Switch that was in the OFF position, that desire to move forward with my life and yet unable to shake that ‘stuck’ feeling. It’s all because of one thing: Challenge.

My Mental health was completely ill, and that’s because I have nothing to think about. And then it happened.

Earlier tonight, my mom was feeling ill and my sister and I went to check on her, and her mind ran rapidly, she knew exactly what to do and how to do it. I stood there like a child at the experience and knowledge of my sister, and she doesn’t have a formal education, didn’t spend hours reading textbooks until her eyes bled, and didn’t put herself into debt just for that.

I thought to myself, “What have I been doing with myself?” Knowledge that would bring people to envy is right at my fingertips, and I could become an expert at the entire human anatomy, if I but just reached out and grabbed one of my books that’s literally within arm’s reach of me. I’ve been working my body, trying to become stronger, and yet, I’ve neglected my mind, everything I’ve worked towards, for the last couple of years is slipping from my grasp and when I try to put myself back into it, I’m going to stare at the information and look like a complete fool!

It’s really because I want to be someone that I’m not currently. I wanted to be a reader, so I started reading, and I’m really enjoying it, but now I want to be that kind of person who would throw seemingly unnecessary information at a simple question, I want to apply knowledge that I’ve learned into real life situations, what I’ve defined as true intellect. Seeing my sister do what I’ve wanted to do with my knowledge has opened my eyes to the fact that in order to be that kind of person, I need to remember what I’ve lost and to always strive to excel at what I should know.

So now, I’m going to start studying my books again. I’m going to return to my nerdy passions of learning and knowing things that the people around me would scratch their heads at. I will learn and re-learn and integrate it into my mind the human anatomy, until I can’t speak without throwing some random science fact in nearly every sentence! Not so that I can show off my knowledge, but so that I can challenge myself mentally and get rid of the feeling that I’m wasting my time, which I really was doing, mentally, at least.

My drive to learn will know no bounds!

Blueprints for Red’s Life

Day 26: For three days, we’ll work from AoM’s “Craft the Life You Want” series. While many things in life are out of our control, there are more things than we often realize that are in our control. Most often, we simply don’t realize that we have the power to change things in our life when we aren’t happy. Today, work on crafting a life plan. It can be a long process, so if you’re short on time, start by defining your various roles as a man, and your ultimate purpose and goals within those roles, including specific action steps.

Since I don’t have a lot of time at the moment, I’ll do the condensed prompt…

Red’s Roles as a Man:

  • Student – I’m currently doing nothing towards this role, save for the random curiosity search, but my Ultimate purpose is to be someone who’s always learning new things, sometimes because I want to, other times because I’ll need to. Being a doctor, I’ll be forced to learn about new diseases as well as new medications or procedures, I need to maintain the drive to constantly learn new things. The plans for these will be to review notes, and actively learn, or re-learn things until they’re stuck in my mind.
  • Son – Still living at home, I’m trying to remain a good son I offer my time when I can, trying to remain respectful and compassionate. My Ultimate purpose with this is to simply remain as good a son as possible until, I become the Parent. For now, it’s staying the course, and making sure I don’t lose my temper or become aggravated.
  • Brother – Being the Youngest, I have little expected of me, but I want to prove myself as an adult as well as a friend, and this to me, defines a brother, at this point in my life. My Ultimate purpose is to extend this to those who aren’t my kin, but to be a brother to everyone who comes to me. Specific actions of these, require me to have a LOT of patience, and to earn the respect of others, by being respectful. So maybe learning how to stay calm, or how to become friendly with all persons of all backgrounds.
  • Uncle – Being a parent when I’m not the parent, that’s what being an Uncle is to me. My Ultimate purpose with this is to try to be someone the girls (and whoever else calls me ‘Uncle’) can trust and love. Specific actions are to pretty much be there when the girls need me, and to give them what they need without spoiling them… too much.
  • Friend – I’m an introvert, but I do have people I like to talk to and hang out with. My Ultimate purpose is to become a trusted individual to all those who call me ‘friend’. Specific actions required of me are to actively hang out with other people and have a good time.
  • Disciple – Catholic, learning the ways of God and Christ. My Ultimate purpose is to have religion as the center of my moral compass and reflected in who I am, and what I do. Specific actions required of me are to be more present in church, volunteering, and actively learning more about my religion, reading the bible and whatnot.
  • Athlete – What good is it to tell others to be healthy when I’m not healthy myself? My Ultimate Purpose is to learn a martial art, or two, and become proficient in self-defense as well as being strong enough to help other people should a disaster strike.

These other roles aren’t important to my life as the previous ones, so I don’t have an ultimate purpose for them, they’re simply roles that I take on throughout my days.

  • Tutor –
  • Mentor
  • Writer
  • Volunteer
  • Nerd
  • Handyman
  • Babysitter
  • Driver

Archetypes and Activities

Day 21: Take a look at our excellent series on the four archetypes of the mature masculine. Read the descriptions, and think about which archetype you most strongly resemble, and that which seems to be your greatest weakness. Write about how you can achieve better balance between all four archetypes and identify the specific ways in which you can strengthen your weaknesses and harness your perhaps overpowering strengths.

Alright, it’ll take WAY too much time re-reading all of the series of the four archetypes of mature masculine, I’m going to base my answers on this chart and what I can remember.
OK, in my current place in life, there’s not going to be much that I’m strong in, but we’ll see.

  • Lover Archetype: I believe that I’m fairly strong in the Lover archetype, the concept is that you love life and everything in it, and I do. It doesn’t matter where I’m at, or who I’m with, I’m always looking at life with happiness or optimism. Heh, in the truest sense, I’m a Lover.
  • Magician Archetype: OK, this is the constant striving to learn archetype, and due it’s broad spectrum covering just the general desire to learn on any level, I’d say I’m also a Magician, I’m always trying to learn new techniques, ie. Handstanding and now the Typewriter Pull-up, I’m seeking to learn more about my faith, and just broadening my horizons on several levels. So I’m not a complete Magician, I’m well within the high end of that triangle.
  • Warrior Archetype: Although I’m not really a warrior in any sense, I’d put myself right at the end of the Hero archetype, I’m still searching for a Purpose, trying to still be Mindful, and all of the rest of the traits that would make one a complete Warrior. So although I’m not a Sadist nor a Masochist in any sense, I can’t in complete honesty call myself a complete Warrior either. So I’m in the middle of this Triangle.
  • King Archetype: In this archetype, The Divine Child is a man who’s young at heart. Based on Isa’s labelling me as a “Halfa” (Half adult, half child) I’d say I’ve achieved the Divine Child and am somewhere in the King Triangle. I’m not ruler of anything except myself, and I’m no where near independent enough to be. So for this, I’d put myself as still the Divine Child, I’m not even in the triangle of the Mature Masculine spectrum yet.

Day 22: Imagine you’ve been provided with a livable income for the rest of your life. You have no need to work, but aren’t rolling in money either. How would you spend your time? Your answer will say a lot about you and what your passion may be. Perhaps this discovery confirms your career choice, or maybe it makes you realize you’re not actually where you want to be in life. If it’s the latter, think about how you could make money with that passion, and even draw up a game plan for getting to that point. As much of our lives are spent at work, to dislike what you’re doing will not only drain you of energy and willpower, but also leave you looking back and wondering why you didn’t do anything to change it.

Heh, if I have livable income, then I’d find a way to start saving some of that for a rainy day by restricting myself of some luxuries and then after I have something of a sufficient back-up, I’d, while still living restrictively, would make some purchases of things that I’d like to have: Gaming Consoles, Movies, etc. But in the end, I’d like to go out and make the most of my time, doing something productive, or creative. With sufficient income, I’d go to school, get another degree, or resume my attempts to get into med school, and one thing I would like to do is travel, and see the world, expand my horizons and live a good life full of experiences and interesting people. I always said that if I become a doctor, I’d help people for free if I could. All I need is that one chance! I’ll get in! “Positive thinking”, my sister always tells me, “Positive thinking.”

Reviewing what lies within

I’ve come to the point where my mind is starting to get restless, despite the distractions with everything else, I find myself coming back to a point, where all I want to do is read and review my notes.It’s kinda funny, actually,  I want to remember the terms, the equations, the concepts.

Well, lately there hasn’t been anything that’s been too mentally challenging, save for that one level in Fall of Cybertron, but the intellectual aspect of my mind is hungry for something more. I wonder if I can relearn all of the skeletal structure and the muscle systems on my own… I need to make my mind take this reviewing thing seriously, because I tried studying for the MCAT on my own, and that turned out to be a bust.

I need a goal, something that’ll put my mind in a particular state of mind that will cause me to focus like how I did when I was in school. These are things that I need to retain in my mind, almost permanently, because I will need to retain this for both, professional and personal reasons.

In Professional terms, being able to recall particular bone structures, allows me to help people on the fly with some basic First-aid thrown in. I’ll be able to make slings, braces, even watch out for chemical reactions if they happen. This also reassures my Parent/Guardian abilities to be prepared for anything that happens, should I be responsible for someone, like my nieces who will now be living with us come early-June. Not to mention, the student part of me, that constantly thrives on knowledge and facts will be sated.

In Personal terms, whenever an opportunity comes up to define how damaging someone’s mangled body is on TV, or whether someone has been skewered in a horror movie and died, I take this opportunity to explain why said person should/shouldn’t live, or how ridiculous the display of gore is anatomically. Sometimes at the expense of my brothers’ sanity, but they usually let me know when I’ve lost their interest… or never had it. Not to mention, I also use it to keep my title of “the Smart Uncle” when my nieces try to trick me by asking me lots of questions.

But in all seriousness, I’m glad I have this, a desire to constantly learn and improve, to remember and to recite, a true thirst for knowledge, both relevant and not.

But thanks to my mind, I could never thinking chronologically, which is why I always did horrible in History, not to mention also explains my weirdness, but this is why I was able to excel in Science and Math, because the formulas and equations that was required didn’t need to come at a specific point or date, so they, as I have imagined, are floating around in my head, like snowflakes or fireflies, all I have to do is simply reach out and grab it and the information comes straight to mind.

But time has passed and now all those fireflies and snowflakes have fallen into the sea of the Forgotten. I need to rekindle the flames that burned with knowledge, and I need to do it soon, otherwise, I’ll forget everything I’ve spend years trying to learn! Not to mention, this would be one of the most productive ways to spend my time, instead of playing video games or watching TV or randomly surfing the web. Besides, all of the great people of History have always been constant seekers of Knowledge, constantly learning new things, remembering and applying old things, and never ceasing their quest, regardless of age, situation, or even difficulty of information. The idea is to keep learning, there is always something new to learn, something old to remember, some new world to discover. And here I am not exploring the worlds that I’ve once traversed in. I’ve let the bridges rust and get old, I need to rebuild them and dwell in the Universe once again!

A Fresh Perspective on Life

Today My brother Vicky came, and gave me gifts, from himself and Dawn, Cookie Monster Cupcakes and a brand new laptop computer. A Dell Laptop Computer Intel Celeron 1007U.

I was blown away.

This is my first post using this new laptop device and it feels amazing. Granted, the feel of the keyboard and some features are different, so I’ll have to get accustomed to it, but this feels fantastic!

When I asked, what was the occasion, one was that they won’t be here for my birthday coming up, and the other was because I did well enough on my MCAT to apply.

This new laptop comes with Windows 8 and it’s full of so much potential. I can foresee myself doing all sorts of interesting things in the future with this. I’d like to learn how to code HTML, I can read books and Mangas, like I always wanted. It’s a bit overwhelming, because a lot of these things, I would like to do over time, but now with this new laptop, I can do all sorts of things, even things I couldn’t do before, it’s just practically endless!

But, what do I do with my old one? I’m a sentimental man, if nothing else, and my previous laptop was a gift from my late-father, I don’t want to get rid of it, for any reason, but to sit there with 2 laptops is being greedy, is it not? Logically, I can obviously do LOTS more things with my new laptop than with the old one, due to the latter’s experience of being in the ringer I call “LSU”. It’s pretty slow, the battery doesn’t charge anymore and it’s seen a LOT of information. But I cannot see myself really parting with it, there’s just so many things between this laptop and myself, it’s seen me start a great many things, this journal being one of them. Not to mention that no matter how long it’s been, since I’ve used it, the familiarity will always remain. I can type and move faster than even the computer can recognize, but that might be because it’s a bit slower now, heh heh.

I still don’t know. There’s really nothing on my previous laptop that I cannot put on my new laptop, maybe the NF and ThinkGeek stickers on the lid, but that’s roughly it. Yet, it’s going to take some convincing to really let my old laptop go. Gah, This is one reason why I only try to live with so little, because if I allow myself to collect things, for any reason even remotely recreational, I’ll wind up on one of those Hoarders shows, Heh, it’s a good thing I don’t have any income at the moment, otherwise all my money would be gone.

But at this moment, I have a new laptop, so I’m going to enjoy it and everything it comes with, until my Pterygium starts acting up, and I’ll have to rest my eyes from staring at such a marvelously smooth screen.

This is going to be Fun!