It doesn’t matter how little or grand, as soon as you have an authority that others do not, you’re immediately viewed differently.
I had recently gotten a small promotion at work, I was a regular phlebotomist, and now I’ve obtained the title of Senior Phlebotomist. Not Supervisor, not Manager, just Senior. It’s literally a small step above, it can be easily taken away as it was given, not to mention that the only thing I really have is more responsibility.
More work is something I expected, people suddenly viewing me in a different light is something I didn’t.
And I suppose, that’s a fault on my end. People, especially petty ones, will instantly talk behind your back as soon as you have something that they don’t have. The irony is that it doesn’t matter whether or not they really wanted it, or earned it, it’s simply something you have that they don’t.
The sin of Envy, manifested.
And I know I’m partly writing this entry out of spite, but I’m more frustrated at myself for not considering how my obtaining this title affects others. My words suddenly have more bite, and my tone of voice must be precise, lest someone thinks that I’m mad or angry.
I guess the worst part is how people have forgotten who you were before you were given the title. Now all they see when they look at you is simply a ‘Higher-up’ who has to be feared/hated/watched. What was once free to joke about is now considered taboo. And one’s conduct is now scrutinized.
But it’s not all bad. For one, I’ve learned how to adjust under pressure, and where priorities lie between myself and others. and how to provide that wall between myself and others, while not losing my common touch. I guess, I should use this as an exercise for when moments come that I must take charge over others. As I climb higher and higher on my own path to life, it should be expected that there will be such moments.
I guess I wish I knew to shield myself from others sooner, oh well, “dare to be naive” as the old saying goes. Like all things, God has blessed me with, it’s another lesson I have to learn so as to become a better person in the future.
How other people see me is completely outside of my control, what is under my control is how I let their actions affect me. Toxic people will try to manipulate me, and if not me, then the people around me. What I can do about that is… Well, nothing. All I can do is just keeping doing what I’ve always done, and let my work speak for itself. If others are persuaded, then that’s fine, if they’re not, then that’s also fine.
I will keep moving forward. After all, sometimes the best thing to do when you’re going through a bad spot is to simply keep going.