What People Will Always Remember

Days ago, the world lost Maya Angelou. And upon her death, I remembered the only quote that ever stuck with me:

people will forget what you said and what you did, but people will always remember how you make them feel

Days ago, I was experimenting with means of communication, specifically, seeing how effective being direct with others would be. In my mind, I thought being direct would be most efficient, “do this. “ok, but which this or that?” “do that, then.” Done and done.

Oh, how wrong I was…

What I thought was being efficient and direct was being received as mean, disrespectful, hostile, and overall speaking with an attitude.

In essence, my being direct made things worse, communicatively

People have a wide range of assumptions and expectations, feelings and tolerances, and there is a huge gap for things to get vastly mistranslated.

People indeed need things to be clear, but not direction or even words, what people need most is to have clear feelings and intentions coming from one another. A smile, a kind gesture, even a slight touch, with gentleness and a loving heart, can penetrate any sort of mean demeanor one can possess. 

Heh, looking back, it was kinda silly of me to think that being direct and otherwise emotionless, would result in anything but utter disaster. 

No, people will always remember the way they feel whenever they’re around you, whether it’s feeling like you’re needed, loved, disrespected, or even hated. Which is probably why once a bond of trust with someone is broken, it’s hard to regain it, because they’ll always remember that feeling of betrayal.

So in order to truly conquer the hearts of others, it’s not by force or fear, but with love. If we can learn to be compassionate towards others, we can help them, guide them, and even teach them to help others. 

Heh, it’s like the Sun and North Wind all over again. It’s funny how much power lies in a smile towards someone. If you do it long enough, they won’t remember the act of you smiling at them, but the feeling that you are smiling with them.

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When You’re Angry

Despite my journey and age, I still consider myself an young man, “just a kid” if you will, with many experiences still lying in wait for me in the years to come, and with this in mind, I’ve come across more than several occasions where I’m forced to face the consequences of my actions, or lack thereof. In these situations, I immediately reflect on what wrongs I have done, and how often I’ve done them, triggers associated with it, and so on. And it was due to a recent event, that I’ve come to a realization that when people are angry, they’re revealing the fact that they’ve had their vulnerable sides exposed to me. And that vulnerability is more truthful toward what sort of character that you truly possess. All of your walls, the bridges you’ve burned, and the people you’ve interacted with, all of those things are displayed before me with your sharp voice, your piercing gaze, even within the insults you’re using to hurt me.

You’re showing me that you’re vulnerable, and you don’t want to be, or rather, you don’t want to remember the pain you’ve tried to forget, from however long ago.

Granted, I don’t want to have to make you angry to see who you really are, but this is more of a silver lining to this scenario.

It’s strange to think about, when one is angry, they are in a state to use their strength and their fury, but also they reveal their most scarred and sorrowful experiences, all at once, showing you their pain and everything tied to it.

As time passes, we learn to control our anger, either modify it so that you’re only angry to a point, or to change the actual trigger itself, or some other variation on that, but the point is that in one form or another when we are at our lowest/highest/breaking point, we show in however brief a moment, who we are to the world, to the people, and especially to yourself

The Source of My Wrath

I was praying the Rosary last night, and various scenarios came across my mind, involving someone close coming to me asking me for advice for their problems, and they’re frustrated, and acting in their usual manners, but something occurred that troubled me. You see, it’s natural for them to be frustrated and angry and ignorant to the advice given to them, but in each scenario, my voice was raised, my words became sharp, and I became angry, I snapped at whoever came to me.

And it was most troubling…

I remember just a few years ago, I was perfectly fine when facing a frustrating person, I was calm and collected. So why are my thoughts full of anger right now?

I found a prayer card we printed when my Father died, it was the St. Francis of Assisi prayer:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

My father always liked St. Francis more than the other saints, so we chose this prayer. So when I read it again after sometime, the very first line echoed with me, “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace” Peace. Not wrath, not anger, not frustration, peace.

So, the question rises again: Why am I so angry?

Am I just around angry people? or is it something more? Granted, I suffered a rather serious defeat with a bad MCAT score, so my path to Med school, is delayed a bit. And I’m well aware that there are plenty of people younger than me who have already achieved what I want, and whatnot. Basically, I do have a lot to be frustrated about, but what’s concerning to me, is that I am frustrated about it. Usually, I hold no frustrations in my mind, nor in my heart.

So how did this happen?

I guess, my mind is looking for something, I don’t know exactly what, but it’s obviously something important, to help balance me out. Perhaps it’s interaction, before, I had many people to interact with people which different energy, and it was refreshing, now that I’m done with school, my interactions with said people is now almost non-existent, so all the people that I have left to interact with, aren’t people I’d normally interact with simply because I know their history, and their mannerisms, but now I have no choice, because I have no reason and often times no choice to leave the house.

Sigh…

Regardless of the reasons, if I’m angry here, who’s the say I won’t be angry when facing the patients, the very people I’m going to swore to protect. I need to gain better control over my thoughts, and find reasons to not be swayed by the frustrations of others. It’s all in the Head, as the old saying goes. If I simply stick to what I know is true, and what I know I’m supposed to be doing, the Right thing, so to speak, then regardless of how my grant my internal struggle is, I’ll find the Will power to contain it, until I can find a proper vent.

Still Useful

We were working on the cars when one of the ratchets broke, “I’ll throw it away, Dad” I said to him, after handing him a replacement. “No! Keep it, still good.” He said. “‘Still good’? How? It’s broken, we can’t fix this.” I rebuked him. “We can use it for other things, it’s no ratchet, it’s something else.” He explains to me, to which I said, “… Like a hammer?” “… Yeah!” he says laughing.

My Father never threw anything away, especially tools. Despite their conditions, or should its purpose be lost or taken by another, my Father, ever the packrat, would save said item in case another situation arose.

Even broken or damaged tools would still have a purpose in my Father’s eyes, our garage is filled with the usual plethora of various tools, but also with a vast array of tools no one has ever seen before, and another horde of tools that are rusted, broken, or simply twisted due to some tragic fate of being overused by my Father. But none of it, however bizarre or specific its purpose, regardless of condition would be kept for a future use.

It’s understandable once you realize that my Father grew up in eras where people were saving everything, using everything to the last drop, and nothing was thrown away but only recycled over and over again, he grew up with those ideals. To him, a ratchet isn’t useless just because it couldn’t fulfill it’s role as a ratchet, it can now become other things, a Tool is still a Tool, regardless if circumstances causes it to be used other than it’s original intentions.

This is a rather interesting way of thinking that’s now taking this country by storm. People are now using their creativity to recycle everyday common items, from old entertainment systems to recycled iPods and Tablets, it’s really rather fascinating.

Yet, I find myself not so attached to this particular ideal, too often has my desk been cluttered with various random things, all with the idea that it could be useful somewhere in the future. And it’s funny because, sometimes that’s true, I would happen to be in a random situation, where, sure enough, I have exactly what was needed to be the perfect remedy! Ha ha ha, but that’s too random and unpredictable to depend on: “Possible future use.” It’s just not enough for my current small living space. I can see myself practicing this in the future, definitely, yet for now, I’m rather limited in how much space I can take up.

Also, I think I would be FAR more organized than my Father was. His area for tools was one literally giant mess, tool boxes filled with every type of tool was on this large wooden desk/table, with shelves and containers with small various things from fuses to screws, nuts and bolts to light bulbs.

And that’s just everything I can identify, there are boxes, shelves, and containers full of things, I’ve never seen before! I don’t know if it was a hobby or if my Father really did run into so strange and unique machinery that he’d wind up with parts and pieces that no one has ever seen before!

For a time, I set myself in charge of cleaning up the Garage/Tools, and I’ve oftentimes run out of containers and places to organize everything into their own space, there was just too many things!

…. I’m ranting…

When one really thinks about this particular ideal, “It’s still useful” it brings about an interesting perspective, I mean, how often have we thrown things away, simply because it was empty, or a piece of it broke off? How long did we sit there looking at said thing and think, “What else can I do with this, now that it’s different/empty/changed?” If we look at it simply as, “It’s broken.” Then obviously the next thought is to throw it away, however people forget that everything has a purpose even if that wasn’t in the original design.

Like Wall-E.

Wall-E was designed to make garbage cubes, yet his ultimate purpose was to re-introduce humans to Earth and fall in love with another robot…

Heh, I have a bit of NerdFitness writing rubbed into me…
You never really know what’s going to happen to the future, and you can never really plan for everything that’s going to come your way, so it’s rather difficult, if not impossible, to be prepared for it, yet, if you were to keep little things, here and there, things that are unique or special, then I think, you’ll have a far better time being prepared than were you to have to go around without anything.

My Father would rather have a cluttered Garage full of random tools collected over the years, than have a project that constantly required him to get the tools from stores over and over again. One thing’s for certain, if I ever needed a project completed, I definitely know I can find the tools for it.

One can even translate this to people, If someone has changed, that doesn’t mean that one should throw away the bond that was originally had, but to keep it and find new ways to stay friends with said person… Not that I’m condoning using people, it’s merely a metaphor. People change, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t keep their friendship anymore, one just needs to find another way, another means of communication.

No matter what happens to someone or something, they’ll always be useful if only we try to think from another perspective.