Ever since I’ve been back from Chicago, I’ve focused all of my attention on making my nieces happy, and trying to play with them and keep them happy. Yet, I’ve squandered my time alone. I’ve looked up lustful things, and stayed up until 3 am, just plain wasting time. Not to mention that I’ve allowed my eating habits to slip entirely, and my exercising has completely been non-existent, since I had left for Chicago.
So when I was saying outloud, “Man, I need to exercise again.” my niece Isa, overheard me and simply said, “You know, you can always ask us to leave you alone to exercise.” Sigh… There she goes again, with the simplest motion, the Child has once again helped me find an answer to help me find balance in my life, and have taught me a life lesson, all at once.
Some time ago, When Isa and Siry asked why I worked out, I told them that I always wanted to be as strong as I can so that when they ask me to do anything, I would never say, “I can’t do it because I’m not ______ enough.” Granted, I’m a poor man, so I can throw in “rich” and not feel guilty about it… Well, too much guilt.
So, while I’ve been spending time with the girls, my strength is waning, my stomach is growing… rounder, and over all, I’m getting weaker. My patience is shortened, and my body is stiffer, I’m not as limber as I used to be, which was like, 4 weeks ago!
Man! I need to be the example for the girls that I once was, well that is, one of the examples that they look at. They’ll record everything in their innocent eyes and I do not want to be the one who teaches them distrust and hatred, especially since I know about it first-hand.
So, I’ll keep myself responsible for myself! After all, there’s no one else who’s going to do so. I won’t be the weak link in this chain! I am going to get stronger, so that I will not make the same mistakes as those before me! I know I have it within me to do great things and I’m going to need all the strength I can muster for what lies ahead.
I have to learn that this Life was left in my charge and I have to make sure it’s the best life I can possibly live, to earn my name and this life that’s been spared from Death for so long, I have to check myself on all levels in order to live a happy and fulfilled life. So far, I’m rather lacking on my own levels towards a happy life, that’s probably because I’m still growing and maturing, I still have a long way to go before I can finally enjoy this life on my own terms. I’m actually looking forward to the future.
Now if I can just muster up some courage to submit my application, I’ll be set!