The Early Years

Day 20: Think about the period of your life in which you have the greatest nostalgia for. For me, it’s definitely college. Staying up late with friends, being forced to be creative with date ideas because I didn’t have any money, doing nothing but learning all day long…it was fantastic. Once you identify that time period, think of why you’re so nostalgic about it. There’s a good chance that there’s something from that time that you’d like to regain or recapture. Maybe you realize the importance of having close friends, or perhaps you’ll come to understand your desire to bea lifelong learnerNostalgia can be healthy if reflected on and not obsessed over. You may not be able to recapture the past exactly (see Jay Gatsby), but there are elements of it that may make you a happier fellow

Hmm… The greatest nostalgia, that’s gotta be my RCC years, the first college years of my life. I had no car, a handful of friends, my first job, and lots of fun! I am really nostalgic about this, because everything felt fresh and amazing due to the first time experiencing anything.

I’ve felt the warmth of true friendship, as we hung out after school, inbetween classes, and even studying. We hung out nearly everyday and laughed the entire time. One of those friends was Baby, and she helped me put my life on the right course, academically. I also got my first job as a Librarian, and was just having a blast with it! Joking around with the patrons, making friends nearly everyday, and even had good times with my co-workers. I got to interact with a lot of people, and what little money I made was sufficient.

With no car and hours of free time between classes, I took up hiking and really pushed myself to see the world from views reserved for so few. It’s funny, I think hiking in those times not only helped me grow physically, but philosophically. I was always humbled by the mountain and determined to climb higher and higher, I took in the view and learned not to lose myself in the fast-pace life others are in. It was great!

I guess, these were the best times to me, because I saw the world as new. I wasn’t tired from my journey nor beaten down by the odds and cynicism of the world. I knew my potential was at it’s highest peak, and the world was my oyster! I had optimism just pouring out of me and nothing could’ve dampened my spirits. I was young and content with the life I was living, a life that was moving forward at a quickened pace. I miss them most in these times when I’m stuck in this slow, crawling pace that my life is going through right now. Hmm… I guess I’ve found something that can help me later on in the future.

I’m not lost in my own world, I’m simply enjoying the journey

Wind, Rain, Thunder and Lightning, Blackouts, and things thrown about. That pretty much sums up my day today.

The canopy in the backyard tipped over, with the cover torn apart by the wind, and the moment I saw that, I had to pull it back into the backyard before it tipped over completely and into the crowded street, so then, I had to pull out the now-torn top, remove the legs of the skeletal canopy so it can be easily maintained, and not be high enough off the ground to be struck by lightning.

Right when I came back inside, it turns out Mom’s room had lost power, and for fear that something had fallen upon me, was deciding to go down the stairs, oxygen tank in hand. Luckily, her reasoning stopped her and she simply waited for me to hear her. I checked the fuses and gave her power back to her room, and when I went to check on her, she was somewhat concerned, and I’m sitting in front of her, covered in dirt and sweat and this huge grin is on my face.

Usually during a disaster, I always feel like, I’m wired backwards, I’m completely fascinated by Forces of  Nature, by emergencies that happen seemingly at random and unexpected times. While working on the canopy, trying to prevent it from falling on some unsuspecting victim, I was laughing and smiling. While I was checking the house during the blackout which happened after the above event, I was singing! “Dream A Little Dream of Me” by Michael Bublé. A good song, yet unfitting for the storm, I usually sing “Singing in the Rain” but, alas, there was hardly any rain to sing to.

Ha ha ha! I love it! Granted it’s a terrible situation to find oneself in, especially when there’s so many circumstances when one needs electricity to live, yet, I find myself relishing the moment. My mind moves faster, blood starts to flow as my heart begins to speed up, my senses are heightened and I’m in the state of Fight or Flight, and against the Forces of Nature, boy, do I love to fight!

I find myself the sort of man, who enjoys raises his hands when the wind is blowing the hardest, who stands his ground when the tide and the waves try to push him, who remains still and watches the flames dance on the wood, who  stares at the stars, simply to acknowledge them and hopefully be acknowledged in return.

I’m not an environmentalist, although I know that the world can live perfectly fine without us, yet we cannot live without the world. I’m… a guy with simple tastes, the things I like are cheap, and it doesn’t take much money to make me smile. I’m a sentimental person, and possess only so much, and I don’t plan on having much more, perhaps a few things, but I’m no collector, as a guy, I have no tastes in fancy/fast cars, nor any other such big toys. A meal is a meal regardless if it’s made professionally or not, a cup of Ramen tastes just as good as the Carl’s Jr. $6 burger.

Heh, I feel like I’m writing on a dating website…

The point is that I am fully aware of how I feel about Life and everything in it, and I’m completely aware of how different it is from how other people define their lives, and it’s because of this gap between them and myself that I find both frustration and solace, more of the latter than of the former.

I am a weird guy, that’s just it, I cannot change that. Today’s storm reminded me of how distant our worlds really are, and I cannot forget that, because it’s due to that distance that I will have all of the reserves needed to do what I need to do, because my actions won’t make sense in the eyes of others nor will my reasons for doing so, until they understand why. Until they can do that, I’ll always be weird, or in Spanish, Preternatural, extraño, raro, destino.

Not sure how destino fits in there, but I like it.

This is truly a wonderful universe, having various worlds of different corners overlapped, in such a way that it almost feels like we’re all living on the same planet.

“It is your turn to save the world”

I wrote this on a UNICEF Post-it at 0113 hours this morning, after my rosary, in the dark, right before I went to sleep.

Before I wrote this, I was in the middle of my rosary, thinking about my purpose. What I intend to do with all of the responsibilities and ‘powers’ of being a doctor, and how exactly I’m going to do it. I’ve always planned to become an asset for UNICEF, by donating as much Time, Energy, and Money as possible… Yet, I cannot see a plan forming between paying for Loans and other things, Saving money, and making regular activities for UNICEF, all while diving into helping others as much as I can via Giuseppe Moscatii, by inviting those who have nothing to pay with, into my own home. So then I remembered the KoC, and I wondered how they do charities, and would they be able to allow me to perform charities of my own, or at least help me in these manners. And as the rosary kept going, I remembered inspiring quotes from XKCD, a rather fascinating web comic, and one that resonated with me was, “We’re grown-ups, and it’s our turn to decide what that means.” Although the comic was written some time ago and was funny as a whole, those words stayed with me, and started to blend with those feelings of charity that were floating above my head.

And soon, I started to imagine myself in an interview, faced with the question of, “Why do you want to become a doctor?” Granted everyone wants to help people, but what makes YOU (or me, rather) so different? and why take the path of a doctor? You (Me) can help so many others through other means, like Fireman, Police, Nurse, etc. Why be a doctor?

Brutal questions, to say the least, but I started forming my answer…

… But something’s wrong… It’s broken up, bits and pieces… It’s… incomplete. This is what I have so far.

I want to become a doctor, because I want to be able to help people, not just in this hospital, but throughout the world… My desires to help others stem from my own background, when I was one of them, I was on the other side of this interaction, and because I still have that experience I can provide the best services to everyone… I’ve suffered the pain of loss, so I do not have grandeur dreams of being able to save everyone who crosses my path, yet I will try to help as many people as possible… Because I want to be someone who can be an example to all of the people, and with the authority of a doctor I can help people… It’s my turn now to decide how I am going to do this…

…And that’s all I got. That’s pretty discouraging, seeing that the fact that I’ve more than enough experiences to inspire me to pursue this to the bitter end, yet, my answer is still incomplete, I’m still missing something. And as I approach the end of the rosary, all these thoughts and reflections start blending together, and eventually, I came up with this:

IT IS YOUR
TURN TO
SAVE THE
WORLD

… ‘Save the world’? Heh, who am I to save anything? But that’s the problem, isn’t it? I’ve always cut myself too short. I have these desires, this heart that wants to help people, the experiences that help me form who I am, I have no dreams of prestige nor of wealth nor of infamy. I just want to help. I want to be a good man, I want to embody the song ‘Simple Man’ by Lynard Skynard. I want to see the world and help people along the way, I want this world to be a better place leaving it than coming into it.

I’ll write more about this next time. For now, I need to sleep.