Where the Warranty Expires…

I just recently turned 30 years old.

It’s strange having this very statement cause me to pause. I’m a man in the middle of my journey, and although I have some accomplishments on my belt, there is more still I wish to do. And now, as my niece puts it, “I’m no longer a kid. I’m an old man.”

I have noticed that my body is starting to hurt in places that hadn’t felt pain before, my infamous bottomless stomach is starting to get full, and my energy is starting to wane in certain times. I can definitely feel it… my body is getting older.

Yet mentally, I feel like my thought processes haven’t changed at all, save for some emotional maturing that was mentioned in previous entries. And I know that I’m still as fit as a fiddle.

So what is it that has changed? Why do I feel this “Age” in certain levels in my life and not in others?

I believe this question was answered by my Brother-in-Law. He told me days before my birthday, that when I hit 30, I hit the age “when the warranty expires.” I inquired as to what he meant, and he explained that I’m at the point where I can’t push myself as much as I used to. My body will not be able to hold like it once did, and if I do, I’ll regret it.

So now along with everything else, on my mental plate, I have to consider how my body can hold out to whatever I can dish it. But this isn’t something I’m too worried about. Quite honestly, I’m actually seeing this as a glass ceiling. What better way to test my limits then by knowing that I’m approaching them? As much as I’ll regret it, I’m curious, if nothing else.

I am 30 years old. Huh… What a strange statement. Time is such a funny thing.

Still. Now that I know that I’m a point in life where things are going to get interesting, then all I can say is, “Bring it on!” I’ve no fear of getting older and wiser, seeing how far this body of mine can be pushed and how much it will push back. All I can do is just embrace the changes that lie ahead.


My To-Do List

This is what I have to take care of, both internally and externally. Some of these things will be easy and only require a small amount of my time and energy, but others will take a lot more. Some of these will be serious, others practically pointless, Doing this, It’ll also help me remember anything else I don’t have at the front of my mind. So in no particular order…

  • Talk to Occupational Health about that shot I need in order to Volunteer
  • Look up Guitar lessons at the College
  • Catch up on Bible reading
  • Read Marvel’s Civil War and the rest of the Comics I just recently obtained
  • Exercise
  • Write in my personal journal
  • Read my Biophysics book
  • Read my Anatomy books
  • Practice Guitar
  • Plan Chicago Trip and prepare
  • Practice Spanish (either by myself or with others)
  • Clean and Vacuum my room
  • Buy the materials to build my Whiteboard closet door
  • Complete application for Ambassador position for work
  • Save money for the car
  • Make time for Meditations
  • Learn more about Cosplay
  • Get a Doctor and get a physical

Well at this point, I’m seeing a lot of reading/learning/relearning. Stuff that just requires me to sit down and focus my attention for a brief moment on that one thing, while others require scheduling and repetition. And as the old adage goes, “If we don’t ever take time, how can we ever have time?”

So all I have to do is just “take the time”, and I bet this list would be cut in half before the week is out. For the rest of the items on this list, I’m just going to have to make a schedule for them.

I’m not a Man of Time

Time… The one aspect of life that’s always eluded me… The 4th dimension… The grand River…

I don’t know what’s with me, but I’ve never had a firm grasp on the concept, I never know what day it is, if I’m indoors, I wouldn’t know what hour it was, and I’m constantly baffled when I learn that I’ve lost days, with no recollection of what happened.

I’m truly a Man outside of Time.

It’s kinda funny in a way, I can stand there without a sense of hurry or be immediately rushed when I’ve got eons to finish a task. I suppose I’m merely on my own pace in life, and I’ve got to accept and utilize that.

Recently, I’ve received two separate objections to my going to Ross University, the fact that they were separate, and from people who’s opinions I cared about, told me that I should really consider the idea, and that maybe it’s not time yet.

I’ve been hesitant about my Personal Statement, it doesn’t feel right, and I haven’t submitted my AMCAS application yet, and to this moment, I still have no idea why, but one possibility is that, somewhere within me, there’s an indication that is saying that “it’s not time yet.”

I can work on increasing my grades in certain classes, I know this, but I was scared that if I started to this, my efforts towards medical school would be somehow wasted… Heh, writing it out like this, I can see that it doesn’t really make any sense. But it was making me anxious, add to that, the fact that my loans are now asking for their money back next Wednesday, and me without a job, trying to take care of my family and the house, let’s say, it’s enough to make a guy unsettled.

But there are always ways to fix this problem, the obvious, “get a job” but there’s also “Go back to school” and with school, I can still get a job (student job, anyways) and I can still work on my studies, improving my grades and maybe, just maybe find that piece that’s missing from my Personal Statement.

Man, it’s 2:37 am and it doesn’t even feel past 10 pm to me. I have to be careful, without Time, it’s possible that I can lose other structures in my mind, or maybe I’m just being paranoid. I’m beginning to notice that my thoughts are becoming random now, I should probably go to sleep.


Reviewing what lies within

I’ve come to the point where my mind is starting to get restless, despite the distractions with everything else, I find myself coming back to a point, where all I want to do is read and review my notes.It’s kinda funny, actually,  I want to remember the terms, the equations, the concepts.

Well, lately there hasn’t been anything that’s been too mentally challenging, save for that one level in Fall of Cybertron, but the intellectual aspect of my mind is hungry for something more. I wonder if I can relearn all of the skeletal structure and the muscle systems on my own… I need to make my mind take this reviewing thing seriously, because I tried studying for the MCAT on my own, and that turned out to be a bust.

I need a goal, something that’ll put my mind in a particular state of mind that will cause me to focus like how I did when I was in school. These are things that I need to retain in my mind, almost permanently, because I will need to retain this for both, professional and personal reasons.

In Professional terms, being able to recall particular bone structures, allows me to help people on the fly with some basic First-aid thrown in. I’ll be able to make slings, braces, even watch out for chemical reactions if they happen. This also reassures my Parent/Guardian abilities to be prepared for anything that happens, should I be responsible for someone, like my nieces who will now be living with us come early-June. Not to mention, the student part of me, that constantly thrives on knowledge and facts will be sated.

In Personal terms, whenever an opportunity comes up to define how damaging someone’s mangled body is on TV, or whether someone has been skewered in a horror movie and died, I take this opportunity to explain why said person should/shouldn’t live, or how ridiculous the display of gore is anatomically. Sometimes at the expense of my brothers’ sanity, but they usually let me know when I’ve lost their interest… or never had it. Not to mention, I also use it to keep my title of “the Smart Uncle” when my nieces try to trick me by asking me lots of questions.

But in all seriousness, I’m glad I have this, a desire to constantly learn and improve, to remember and to recite, a true thirst for knowledge, both relevant and not.

But thanks to my mind, I could never thinking chronologically, which is why I always did horrible in History, not to mention also explains my weirdness, but this is why I was able to excel in Science and Math, because the formulas and equations that was required didn’t need to come at a specific point or date, so they, as I have imagined, are floating around in my head, like snowflakes or fireflies, all I have to do is simply reach out and grab it and the information comes straight to mind.

But time has passed and now all those fireflies and snowflakes have fallen into the sea of the Forgotten. I need to rekindle the flames that burned with knowledge, and I need to do it soon, otherwise, I’ll forget everything I’ve spend years trying to learn! Not to mention, this would be one of the most productive ways to spend my time, instead of playing video games or watching TV or randomly surfing the web. Besides, all of the great people of History have always been constant seekers of Knowledge, constantly learning new things, remembering and applying old things, and never ceasing their quest, regardless of age, situation, or even difficulty of information. The idea is to keep learning, there is always something new to learn, something old to remember, some new world to discover. And here I am not exploring the worlds that I’ve once traversed in. I’ve let the bridges rust and get old, I need to rebuild them and dwell in the Universe once again!

The Red Pawn

I’ve always thought that the question of whether or not there was Free Will was answered with the idea that One is the Pawn, only able to move in one direction: forward in time; and that God was the Chess player, outside of the rules of the game, yet allowing Himself to be subjected to it, and all the while, as a good Chess player, seeing every single possible move the Pawn can make, involving every single possible outcome. Now where Free will comes in is that gap that lies within the Pawn and the Chessboard. While God does truly indeed see every outcome the Pawn can make with any move, God doesn’t move the Pawn. The Pawn can be influenced, subjected to, directed, manipulated, even instructed into making a move, but that ultimate decision is left solely to the Pawn. The Pawn, while subject to all the aspects and laws of the Game, like Physics and Gravity, always has the power to move in any means he/she thinks should be done. While Destiny lies in every move thought out and predicted by God the Chess player, Free will is no illusion as the Pawn takes another step forward, either under some sort of influence or not, the Pawn makes each step as his/her own decision.

I was watching Bedazzled, with the Lovely Elizabeth Hurley as the Devil, and one of the cell mates say something rather interesting, pertaining to one’s soul…

“It belongs to God. That universal spirit that animates and binds all things in existence. The Devil’s gonna try to confuse you, that’s her game. But in the end, you’re gonna see clear to who and what you are, and what you’re here to do. Now, you gonna make some mistakes along the way, everybody does. But if you just open up your heart, and open up your mind, you’ll get it.”

Given my recent turn of thought-provoking events, that last piece echoed with me. If one allows oneself to be consumed by the Grace of God, then the Pawn will be able to see the moves that God sees, and take the right path on the Chessboard. The Pawn WILL make mistakes, because the Pawn is ultimately human, and can’t possibly see in to the future, so he’s/she’s bound to stumble, both literally and metaphorically, but the idea is that God hasn’t given up on the Pawn, regardless of whatever shortcomings.

So one has to decide which move is the right one, and whether or not, the last move was a good one or not, because as Pawns, we can only move forward, we are bound by the direction of Time and thus, cannot go back, the game is still going because every decision we make is a move on the board whether we move forward or not.

Therefore, all of us are Pawns until the very end, when the game is over and we’ve reached the other side of the board, will we finally see what we ultimately become with all of our hard work and suffering, and the other Pawns will look to us and see what we truly were: a Rook, or a Bishop, or even a Knight, or if one was exceptionally well in life, a true King or Queen…