I wrote this on a UNICEF Post-it at 0113 hours this morning, after my rosary, in the dark, right before I went to sleep.
Before I wrote this, I was in the middle of my rosary, thinking about my purpose. What I intend to do with all of the responsibilities and ‘powers’ of being a doctor, and how exactly I’m going to do it. I’ve always planned to become an asset for UNICEF, by donating as much Time, Energy, and Money as possible… Yet, I cannot see a plan forming between paying for Loans and other things, Saving money, and making regular activities for UNICEF, all while diving into helping others as much as I can via Giuseppe Moscatii, by inviting those who have nothing to pay with, into my own home. So then I remembered the KoC, and I wondered how they do charities, and would they be able to allow me to perform charities of my own, or at least help me in these manners. And as the rosary kept going, I remembered inspiring quotes from XKCD, a rather fascinating web comic, and one that resonated with me was, “We’re grown-ups, and it’s our turn to decide what that means.” Although the comic was written some time ago and was funny as a whole, those words stayed with me, and started to blend with those feelings of charity that were floating above my head.
And soon, I started to imagine myself in an interview, faced with the question of, “Why do you want to become a doctor?” Granted everyone wants to help people, but what makes YOU (or me, rather) so different? and why take the path of a doctor? You (Me) can help so many others through other means, like Fireman, Police, Nurse, etc. Why be a doctor?
Brutal questions, to say the least, but I started forming my answer…
… But something’s wrong… It’s broken up, bits and pieces… It’s… incomplete. This is what I have so far.
I want to become a doctor, because I want to be able to help people, not just in this hospital, but throughout the world… My desires to help others stem from my own background, when I was one of them, I was on the other side of this interaction, and because I still have that experience I can provide the best services to everyone… I’ve suffered the pain of loss, so I do not have grandeur dreams of being able to save everyone who crosses my path, yet I will try to help as many people as possible… Because I want to be someone who can be an example to all of the people, and with the authority of a doctor I can help people… It’s my turn now to decide how I am going to do this…
…And that’s all I got. That’s pretty discouraging, seeing that the fact that I’ve more than enough experiences to inspire me to pursue this to the bitter end, yet, my answer is still incomplete, I’m still missing something. And as I approach the end of the rosary, all these thoughts and reflections start blending together, and eventually, I came up with this:
IT IS YOUR
… ‘Save the world’? Heh, who am I to save anything? But that’s the problem, isn’t it? I’ve always cut myself too short. I have these desires, this heart that wants to help people, the experiences that help me form who I am, I have no dreams of prestige nor of wealth nor of infamy. I just want to help. I want to be a good man, I want to embody the song ‘Simple Man’ by Lynard Skynard. I want to see the world and help people along the way, I want this world to be a better place leaving it than coming into it.
I’ll write more about this next time. For now, I need to sleep.