Picking up the Sword Again

After I said good night to my mother, she asked me if I still prayed the Rosary, to which I responded that I hadn’t due to my mind wandering to less than Holy places during the Rosary, and that the regular prayer is more intimate and helpful to me. But she suggested that I take it up again because it’s not about me, but it’s because God wants us to.

In my prayers, I’ve always asked to be a good man in God’s eyes, and when I wasn’t, to guide me back to being one through whatever means. And in one way or another, God provides me with an opportunity, sometimes, I’m wise enough to see it, other times, I’m not.

So after this hiatus, I think I will pray the Rosary tonight, I do need to find ways to follow Christ and become closer to Him. If I can just focus on that, and use all of my skills to maintain that focus, I should be able to not wonder into sinful things.

I’ve always liked the Rosary, and even though I have a necklace version of it, I have always maintained the idea that it’s a tool, not a piece of jewelry, utilized for strength, courage, need, balance, and overall faith-building… Heh, all of the things that I’d like present in my own life.

If I really think about it, I have a lot of things to pray for, in nearly all areas and levels in my life, and yet, at the same time, I would feel somewhat guilty praying for myself. I’m not praying for anything petty, like money or fame, I’ve prayed for forgiveness, strength, courage, wisdom, and not just for me, but for my family and friends as well.

Maybe tonight, this is what I should pray for: Clarity. The clarity to see my faults and to fix them, not just for my sake, but so that I can be the best man that I can be.

The Best Time to Plant a Tree

There’s a Chinese Proverb that goes, “The best time to plant a Tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is right now.” And that’s what my family and I did at the end of Easter: We planted two trees.

Dubbed “Salad Trees” one of them bears 6 different fruits and the other bears 4 different types of Peaches, and they’re just awesome! I cannot wait until they come to fruition. But what I loved best about this experience, is the gardening.

The digging up of the old trees, clearing the holes to place the new ones, the stretching of the roots, the spreading of the Peat Moss and gardening soil mix, and the eventual placing and planting of the tree. It took us several hours, of digging, and chopping, and pulling, with no small amount of sweat and effort, but the end results were more than satisfactory.

So I guess to put this into a larger prospective, Easter is about the Suffering, Crucifixion and Resurrection of Christ, we had two fruitless trees, and we chopped them down and pulled them out at the roots in order to make room for two trees that do bear fruit, and although we didn’t do anything symbolizing crucifixion, I can’t help but feel that these trees help me see Christ in life. I know now that God can answer one’s prayers at any moment in time, even when one has forgotten that one had asked for it, and I learned this with a cute girl who worked at the Cashier.

Heh, I prayed for God to show me what my fate would be on this particular area in my life, and there she was, smiling and chatting with me small talk. Her name is Sam. But I digress.

In the end, this Easter has been very revealing, in terms of what I know, believe, and how to view my relationship with God. I can only hope that these experiences stay with me as I would like to learn from them as much as possible.

The First of Many Fires

Ahh, this is exactly what I was looking forward to, when I laid my eyes on the fire pit we had purchased.

The night is cool and still, the day has finished, and the sun has set, the Night has started to come and there’s a desire to remain outside, avoiding the television and the internet, so we pull up several chairs and grabbed a couple of logs, and started building a fire.

It initially started off as a small fire, we were chatting, Dave, Nena, Greggy and myself, until Norm came home and eventually my sister went to bed and Norm stayed outside with us. We were telling stories of hilarious things that had happened to us years ago, and making fun of each other, laughing all throughout the silent night, and enjoying each other’s company.

It’s nights like these that I treasure most, they bring me to a tranquil state that I simply cannot put into words. In all honesty, it didn’t matter if I was with my brothers, or by myself, sitting there, staring into those flames in the evening, I feel as if I stare deeply enough into the fire, I can either see my Life’s Purpose or move the flames to my will.

I have no idea why only these two thoughts come to mind, but they’re the only ones that appear. if any at all. There have been moments where I simply gaze and lose myself into the flames, as if I was hypnotized by the dancing movements of the element.

In either case, from the beginning of it, building the fire and placing the wood, to the very end when I leave embers and take with me the wonderful scent of burned wood, I just plain love it.

There’s something about building a fire that grabs a deep joy within my heart, I don’t know if it’s echos of story-telling in the past or if I’m a pyrophile, but I could not be happier than when I am sitting infront of a fire. My eyes looking into that manifestation of pure energy, my nostrils being filled with the sweet aroma of ashes being produced, my vision lighted by a dancing flame, and my body warmed as if I’m being embraced.

If I think of anything that can be holy as well as cleansing, my first choice is and always will be: Fire.

New Friends and the Blood Moon

Last Saturday, I meet up with another Nerdfitness friend and his wife. It was in the evening as they had just gotten to California, but in short, I had a blast.
For the most part, meeting new people makes me hesitate with nervousness, but I wasn’t concerned at all. In fact, I was looking forward to this meeting for some time! My friend, PB, had been helping me with areas in my life and I couldn’t be more glad to have finally put a face to a kindred spirit.
I must admit, it makes me smile to remember us talking and laughing as if we had been hanging out for years. Should PB and his wife ever returnto my neck of the woods, I’d be more than happy to hang out with them again.

*   *   *

Last night was the infamous Blood Moon. Earlier that day, I was shopping with my sister, we bought a canopy that we’ve had our eye on for some time. It took us 3 hours to have it completed and that’s including my sister, Greggy, my bro-in-law, Isa, and myself. Needless to say, we were exhausted, but by the end of the day, we were sitting around, laughing and enjoying ourselves. It became too late for the girls and several others to stay up for the Blood Moon, so we all decided to head inside. My bedroom window faced in the opposite direction, so I couldn’t see the moon directly, so I looked it up on the internet, my curiosity piqued at the idea of a red moon. And it was amazing! A phenomenon the likes of which I’ve never seen before was displayed before my very eyes!
There well be more astrological events in my future, and if I can help it, I’ll witness them firsthand.

To Stand

Today as I was waiting for the girls to come out of their school, I started to think of something:

I feel a little differently when I’m standing up straight.

It’s natural for people to slouch, but when you stand up straight, the world seems a lot differently. But you can’t just stretch out your neck, no, there’s a proper way to stand up.

Chin up, Chest forward, Back straight, Arms to the side, Stomach sucked in, Shoulders back, Head forward.

And you must hold this position as you walk, swing your arms like you mean it, not have them flying in random directions, but to move with a purpose. To be a walking statue of resolve, making your presence known to all who look upon you. It’s quite encouraging, if I do say so myself.

It some how helps the flow of one’s energy to reach a point where there’s nothing but smooth canals to reach every point of your body, nothing restricting your internal potential, you would feel like you can withstand the forces of nature itself, simply by standing up right.

Quite honestly, I’ve no explanation for it, I just know that standing up right has always made me feel stronger, taller, tougher, like I’ve obtained the ability to change the world.

I remember when I used to work at the Library, my habits of stand up erect came from 4 years of JROTC, as well as from being a Dragon Ball Z fan, and I’d usually get commented on “moving like a soldier”, “walking like I’m on a mission”, or even “You’re weirding me out, by standing like that.”

But it’s just addicting, feeling empowered due to slight muscle adjustments, I can’t shake it. I don’t really want to, I want to move with a purpose, how else am I supposed to move? Why should I not feel better? Stronger? Tougher? Like I can– should take on the world?

Charlie Brown

It’s Good To Be Home

I’m keeping this very short, but I’m back home in my own bed and my own chair. It feels great. This spring break vacation was just perfect.

Disappearing on the Horizon

So here I am sitting in the hotel room, with my brother, the other members are in their own rooms, and the first thing I did after unpacking was the classic, jumping on the bed.

… And it was SO soft. So soft, I didn’t even bounce, I merely landed.

Driving here, all I could see was the horizon all around me, the world seemed endless, and I felt like my sight can extent to eternity.

I love road trips. The air, the space, the sudden sensation to reflect upon various things, it’s perfect.

My home is behind, and the world is ahead of me, and I can imagine myself standing in my room, staring out of my window, seeing the mountains at the edge of my sight. I can see my car slowly becoming a white dot on the street, until it vanishes on the mountainside.

Going back to the car, I am now behind that very same mountain, upon which I have always see the silhouettes of a knight and a dragon, frozen in mid battle. They’re probably the results of some tree lining up together, but still, it’s inspiring to see that scene sometimes.

Now I’m the one on the horizon, a mirage taunting the would-be observer, dancing in the heat of the land. My smile stemming from a joy only known to me.

A joy that will echo in my actions for a long time to come.

As White Mountains Pass By…

Today was a wonderful day.

Growing up in California, the weather hardly changed to anything other than “Sunny” or “Sunny and cold”, so when a weirdly individual like myself experiences anything outside of the ordinary, there’s a feeling of joy that overcomes him, taking parts from every lesson in life, he pieces together something simple, using odd ends of philosophy and complex scientific words that require heavy handed knowledge.

No, this simple thing can only be described in very small words, no need for articulated jargon, nor theories from those who have long since walked this world. No, this simple thing, this feeling, can only be felt. An admiration that can only be felt with a sense of challenge, of defiance, of passion.

That feeling, that thing is simply: Life.

Today was a wonderful day, because the sky was filled with clouds as white as snow and as high as skyscrapers, the wind blew with an invitation to a challenge, and the cold air filled every breath with a refreshing energy all that was left was pieces of a deep royal blue, as deep as the sea.

I have no idea what’s going to happen tomorrow, but if this feeling is anything of a foreshadowing of what is to come, than what will come will be extraordinary, joyful, and even, blessed.

This is the eve of our trip, and I have nothing but a good feeling about it, nay, a Great feeling about this!

Twenty-Seven

In 4 days, I will be 27, and as pointed out by my niece, I’ll be 3 years from being 30 years old.

Wow… 30 years old… I’ve gotta say, I don’t feel like I’m remotely close to being 30. If I didn’t know how old I really am, I’d still think I’m early/mid-twenties.

Normally, I’d feel a bit discouraged, realizing how close I am to reaching such a number as 30, but I don’t. I can’t, I’ve forsaken the standards of time that society has placed upon me and now I’m free to do what I think is right, for as long as I think it’s right to do it in.

After all, I’ve read an article about helpful advice people who’ve reached their 30’s have to offer and one of the best ones is:

“No one really knows what they’re doing.”

So why should I conform to a standard set by those who do not know what they’re doing? Only God and I know how this life of mine goes, the standards and rules that were set by God and myself. And while God knows where it ends, I am the one who makes the move.

I’ve always said that Life is like a giant game of Chess, where God is the player and we are the Pawns only moving forward in time, God can see every possible outcome, but it’s only us that makes the move. So as I make a move that allows me to spend my 27th year on this earth, I know that my move is one that I make based on rules and regulations that I’ve chosen to follow, and not set upon me by others who do not know me.

Twenty seven years. I must admit, it does put a smile on my face, now if only I can figure out why.

A Return

Tonight, Norman had landed and returned to our home. He seems in a much better condition than when he left and for this we are grateful. Now, more than ever, it feels like God has given us his blessing for this trip.