Silencing the Alarm

Tomorrow will be the first Monday of Spring break, and in honor of this, I’ve turned off all of my alarms, I don’t plan on waking up early at all. Which is good, because lately, I’ve been staying up until 2 AM watching Game of Thrones from the beginning.

I suspect that I will not be able to get sufficient sleep, because the girls are on their break as well, meaning that I’ll be awoken by pleas to play and animals crawling all over me. But, oh well, such is life.

Random Quote #32

“Life is a long lesson in humility” – James M. Barrie

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History

“Be kind to everyone, because you don’t know what kind of battles they are going through.” – Plato

I saw the movie Saving Mr. Banks again, on DVD with my family, and here I bear witness, yet again, to people who have come from scarred backgrounds and risen to heights unimaginable.

I remember one of the prompts that I’ve written is, “How will my story be titled?” and my answer still is, a life that has slowed to a crawl.

But this chapter isn’t finished yet. In fact, I think that I’m merely not reading it right. Maybe, it’s not slowing to a crawl, but in fact, just shifting the focus of the attention to something else, something I haven’t been focusing on.

Time will always tell us the history that we forgot to see, maybe someone will point out something that I’ve never considered before, as per the usual with my life. But I have no worries, if this is the life God has chosen for me to walk, then this is where I must be.

Otherwise, if God wanted me to be somewhere else, then wouldn’t I already be there?

A Great Start to Spring Break

Today, I dropped off the girls to their school, picked them up afterwards, went to the movies with my Sister and Bro-in-law, and saw Chavez, that was a good movie. Picked up some supplies, playing Disney Infinity with my eldest niece, ate some Pizza, and now I’m starting to watch Game of Thrones, which was a trend I had failed to jump on when it started.

Quite a bit happened in one day, I must admit. If this is a foreshadowing of my Spring break, then I’m going to have a memorable one this year.

Watching Chavez showed me a history, I’ve all but forgotten. My Mexican heritage is full of heroes and martyrs, battles and spilled blood, pain and sorrow and sacrifice and loss. At the end of the movie, I felt guilty. Guilty that I have little to no memory of these things, these things that my people have gone through, that my family has gone through. Here I sit, with luxuries and food and a family, and looking at what I have seen, in the back of my mind, I knew that I have been taking all of it for granted. The labors and pain and sacrifices others have made should never be forgotten by the descendants of those who have made them…

And I will no longer forget my past.

Random Quote #182

Potest ex casa magnus vir exire – ‘A great man can come from a hut’ – Latin Proverb

 

An Unexpected Turn of Events

Today, my family and I were planning out our Spring Break vacation, and we’ve decided on Las Vegas, not for the gambling but for everything else, in fact, we’re in agreement that if we ever step foot into a casino, we’re there for the buffet.

So as we were searching for a Hotel to accommodate my ill mother, we found a good one and call them up, as their amenities were spectacular, we booked our rooms there, thinking we’re only a few ways from the Strip. Later on that day, when my brothers and I returned from the gym, my sister tells me that there’s something wrong. When she checked the address of said hotel, it was surprizing.

Not only was the hotel further than we originally thought, the surrounding areas from the Street View was also completely different!

After some discussion about what happened, we realized that we prayed to God for a peaceful time where we can all relax. As it turns out, God has chosen this new location for us to recover rather than the one we had originally thought, which was closer to the Strip.

This is when I know that God is there, guiding us, even sometimes changing what we saw with our own eyes, to give us what we need. Now we are all looking forward to this vacation with much anticipation, because simply put, we’ve been blessed with it.

Smiling at Death

Memento Mori, Bushido, Y.O.L.O.

It seems that every generation has their own reminder that Death is near by and that something must be done. Personally, I think that the last one was used purely for the sake of doing stupid things.

In either case, there is truth in all of these, “Death is always around.” But what is often mistaken is how this should be taken, some people see this as an excuse to live life without consequences, others that one should plan for as many occasions as possible; but for me, I’ve heard both extremes and from that I’ve found a balance between the pros and cons of both.

Honor.

It’s a bit old-fashioned, but I believe that if one lives honorably, they retain the “no regrets” aspect without perverting it beyond a point, as well as the “be prepared” aspect that the other extreme favors.

I mean think about it, I can live and have fun, but not bang any girl simply for the sake of hooking up, I can train my body and save my money for a rainy day without being scared of every single possible outcome and have days where I can relax as well.

To have honor to me, means to hold yourself to a particular standard, so long as you meet those standards, on any level of your life, then you can honestly say, “I have no regrets.” Even if you just died then and there, that standard helps keep you in check, on any point in your life, even if you’re in the middle of transitions, which is basically more often than not.

Imagine the self that you want to be: courageous, smart, likable, healthy, witty, tough, always says the right thing at the right time, and so on. This is the standard that you have to hold yourself to.

This is who you want to be, but that you aren’t right now, for X reasons, and that’s normal, but that’s the thing, if you say, “I’m not this and this is normal.” You’ve shut yourself down, then and there. You need to say, “I’m not this but I’d like to be.” this is the norm. It should be normal to attempt to make little changes to your current character in order to resemble your standard character. It’s amazing to think that nearly any aspect that one desires can be obtained if they simply worked hard enough for it.

For me, I want to live without any regrets, hence the Bank girl, I don’t want to look back and say, “If only I had asked her out, If this, If that, etc” I’d rather ask her out, be rejected, and then move on. So for me, at this point in time, I need ask this girl out, not for some depressing emotion or for some societal obligation, but because in order for me to remain honorable to myself, in order for me to continue to say, “I have no regrets”; this is what I must do.

Granted, my life isn’t hanging on the response this girl gives me, but if I have little regrets here and there, then I’ll eventually have huge regrets later on. If I chicken out at this small incident, then it’s no wonder why I would chicken out at something major, like that accident that happened right before me. I need to test my courage by actually doing something that scares me, in this case, the only two endings this could have are:

  1. She says, “Yes”
  2. She says, “No”

So what is there to fear? Death.

If I don’t live the life in the way that I would want to live it, then I’m scared of Death, because of business left undone and things left unsaid, which are basically Regrets.

In order to not be scared of Death, but in fact smile at Death, I need to live without fear, without hesitation, and ultimately without regrets. Because if I have done this, what is there to fear? I’ve done all that I wanted to do, and I did it by what I thought was right. There would be no reason for me to be ashamed in front of my family, my friends and even God.

And that’s the whole point of this, God didn’t give us Death to scare us, we gave it to ourselves. It came with the knowledge of what is Right and what is Wrong. Being scared of something and not facing, it is simply the wrong way to approach it, you’ve abandoned your goals, and you’ve let the fear control you, and eventually you’ll live Life the wrong way.

It’s only when you’re scared of something and then you face it, does it become a good thing to be scared, to face it, and to live Life the right way.

“I knew a man who once said, ‘Death smiles at us all, all a man can do is smile back.'” – Maximus Decimus Meridius (Gladiator)

20 Seconds of Courage

Today was a random day, with the usual running around but when I got to the bank, I was greeted with the teller who was rather friendly, and recognized me despite the fact that I hadn’t seen her in quite a while.

My sister at the end of the day gave me looks, almost as if saying, ‘Are you kidding me? You didn’t see that?’ Apparently not only am I rather dense to subtle hints, but the attractive teller seemed interested in me. I must admit that she’s rather easy to talk to and is kinda cute, but I hesitated and blushed at the suggestion to flirt with her and ask her out… Heh, I’ve no idea why.

So, one thing in life is to live without regrets, to not let any opportunity slip through one’s fingers and with that, I am going to ask this girl out the next time I see her. I’ll be nervous and studdering, because that’s just how idiotic my mind and body react with the idea of a potential girlfriend comes to mind. I’ve been told that I’m not unattractive, and to have been recognized after an absence, is something to be noted.

Heh heh, Well, why not? Life is about taking risks and doing what scares you, well, this idea scares me and I will man up and tell her that I’m interested in knowing her more! For 20 seconds that will last as long as 20 infinities, I will know no fear.

I mean, really, I’m the manifestation of a bloodline of guys that have been able to successfully talk to women and go out on dates and eventually marry them, why should I break that chain?

20 seconds of courage, that’s all it takes.

Priorities

It’s 1:12 AM and I’ve discovered that for quite possibly the past hour or so, I’ve been wasting my time on the internet. I’m going to teach myself to manage my time more efficiently and be more productive.

Also Siry made me a Loom Bracelet, basically it’s small rubber bands tied together, it’s a bit girly, but it’s a gift from her, so like everything else she has given me, I will treasure it dearly.

I’ve been meaning to confess something.

I usually get somewhat “concerned” whenever I read scary stories, mainly based on real experiences other people have, it doesn’t even have to be long, but for some reason there’s a sudden stab of fear that causes my heart to beat just a bit harder, and for the life of me, I can’t understand why this always happens, it doesn’t matter of it’s a scary picture or a sentence, just the mere mention of ghosts or evil spirits and I get the idea that somehow by reading someone else’s story has caused some gateway to open in my life where the worst possible poltergeist can enter.

Fear comes from uncertainty, but that’s the funny part, after this sense of fear has entered my mind, any slight sound or noise grabs my attention, a small crinkle of paper and my attention darts towards its origin. It’s not only embarrassing, but disappointing. “In God’s perfect Love, there is no room for Fear” This passage from the Bible has always provided the comfort to rid my mind of this childish fear, but just the fact that it gets to me in the first place is where my frustration lies.

I don’t know, maybe I’m still a kid at heart and so I’ve discovered the bad side of that statement. In either case, I’m taking this as a sign that I’m still not putting my faith into my beliefs, which means that there’s still something I’m doing wrong… or maybe not doing something… I think, it’s something related to not actively showing my faith to those around me in public… I should smile and let God take control of my life at all times. After all, I’m human and am completely flawed, I’m an adult who gets scared from ghost stories, for Heaven’s sake! I’m laughing at myself as I’m typing this, this is just ridiculous, who am I to say that I’m in control of anything in this life? I could be hit by a bus tomorrow and that’ll be the end of it.

Kinda grim, I know, but still, the point remains. I need to reflect my religion into my mannerisms, not show it off, but to prove to myself and everyone around me, how much it truly is a part of my every day life… Which is pretty much every part of my life. So, whatever comes my way, I know it’s a gift from God!

Random Quote #127:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference -Reinhold Niebuhr